Gendernomics: Means, Ends and Hypergamy

The concept of hypergamy is what one finds at the bottom of the rabbit hole, the reason why female behavior is how it is observed. Myself and many others have taken swings at explaining hypergamy, what is it, what does “peak hypergamy entail” and many other views have been explored.

Yet there appears to be many misunderstandings out there regarding the various manifestations of hypergamy, furthermore, to how it manifests in each female. It would be no catastrophic admission that it varies from woman to woman, with some manifesting stronger variants others less severe variants. That what is optimal hypergamy for one woman is perhaps not optimal hypergamy for another, based on a range of variables. If hypergamy manifested in an identical degree and manner in every woman regardless of other factors, then one would expect to observe identical mating behavior by every female.

The implication of hypergamy operating in such a manner is that to females, males would have an objective value, a male 10 would be a male 10 to every woman, and a male 1 would be a male 1 to every woman. This would also mean that one could easily break down the variables that constituted male sexual market value, and create male 10s en masse, without much effort. However, this completely disregards the subjective aspects of female mate choice, that are influenced by various individual and contextual factors. It is the influence of these factors that create the variable aspect of female mating judgments.

This should come to no surprise to those that have read the section regarding value theory and the rational actor in “Gendernomics” where I write:

The former category, subjective value theory is much more applicable to the Sexual Market Place. This is because rather than being based on the intrinsic value of an object, good or service, the value is determined based on the value placed on the object by a rational actor for the achievement of his own ends

A man who is thirsting is will value a glass of water much higher than the man who has an unlimited source of clean water. If everyone agreed that objects held the same value, based on underlying factors such as the cost of production or rarity, then it leaves very little room for individual preference. Even in the largest markets in the world, such as various stock markets, the price of an asset reflects not only underlying value, but the judgments of many buyers and sellers regarding the underlying value. Generally these values are within a range, and it’s rare to see large spreads on the value of an asset, unless an exceptional case is presenting itself.

As the sexual market place appears to be governed through many of the same factors any other market, it follows that individual choice, and the value placed on a man or woman by a rational actor for their own ends, is a significant influencing factor. Continue reading

Red Pill Logic: Gaslighting Narratives

I once made the statement that men are not red pilled through the existence of the red pill, they are red pilled through their own experiences, and are educated in what actually took place by the red pill. The impetus to seek out the literature, videos, and communities that make up the sphere is always a reaction to an observation that contradicts what he has been told. As a social species, our history is full of stories that are used to educate and socialize children, and it’s a common technique to convey information, precisely because of the persuasive and memorable narratives that are tied in with the information.

One of the first things a recent red pill man discovers is that many of the narratives that have shaped his relationships with the opposite sex are at best false and at worst deliberately misleading. Most men are raised with a string of narratives, most fairy tales end with the prince getting his princess and living happily ever after, the supplicating Beta male finally nails his prom-queen, the rule-following, law abiding, dutiful man wins and the alpha, rule-breaking, egocentric man gets his comeuppance. The prevalence of such narratives make perfect sense from a social perspective, after all a society where there is no rule of law, no morality and no code of behavior is bound to rapidly de-evolve into a free for all. However, the danger of widespread narratives is that when they are proven to be false, the ones who espouse them are viewed as less credible.

A child who is informed that his parents have been lying about Santa Claus for years and years is bound to question what else he has been told by his parents that is false information. This is a natural human reflex, when a person proves themselves as untrustworthy, everything they have ever said or done is questioned as a result. If the parents continue to attempt to maintain the lie, and instead question the perceptive abilities of their child, this is what is known as “Gaslighting“. Continue reading

Red Pill Logic: Pulling the Triggers

All people have weak points that if pressed causes them to react in predictable and often destructive manners.  In alcoholics anonymous for instance, a recommendation is to stay away from situations and people who have a high probably of causing a recovering alcoholic to drink.

The Red Pill is largely centered around sexual strategy and a major aspect of this strategy is centered on becoming the best man it is possible for you to become. However, in pursuit of this goal there are many ways that the world attempts to trip you up, in what I view as the Universe’s rite of passage. If attaining a high status as a man through building yourself brick by brick, was a simple task with no stumbling blocks, every man would be a high value man.

This ranges from appeals to congruence, wherein people expect you to remain congruent with their internal image of you. Shaming tactics that utilize psychological discomfort in a social setting to enforce a given set of behaviors. Fear tactics that seek to exploit fear of loss as a means to control your present and future behavior. Furthermore, exploit the triggers in your personality that they are aware of, in order to alter your behavior so that it is more to their liking.

In many ways the red pill is a conscious reprogramming of your own internal operating system, wherein one seeks to eliminate behaviors, habits and ways of thinking to better support the long-term goals one wants. As our internal operating system is something that is largely constructed by the unconscious learning from our surroundings during the socialization process, many of the default reactions support the blue pill illusion, not the new red pill aware vision.

Triggers

The terms “trigger” and “triggering” have somewhat lost their meaning since Social Justice Warriors have abused them more than strategy consultants abuse the term “synergy”, however the underlying concepts are in both cases quite sound. Within psychology, a trigger is something that causes a person to relive a memory or memories of a traumatic event, often associated with post-traumatic stress disorder. In this post, I will be using a slightly different definition, where a trigger is something that causes a person to revert to previous behavioral or mental patterns that have a destructive effect on their work to better themselves.

Physical triggers are those that exist as one moves around the physical world. To utilize the AA example, it would be bars, clubs, and other places where the consumption of alcohol is a significant part of experience. These can take many forms and are often highly personalized, but can be summarized as putting yourself in situations where your negative behaviors are likely to manifest. While it’s often a good idea to challenge these behaviors and attempt to gain a larger degree of control over them, attempting to do so, much too early in the process of self-improvement, is likely to have larger consequences.

Mental triggers are somewhat more difficult to control than the physical ones. As the physical triggers often make their presence known in certain locations or situations, the mental ones may appear seemingly out of nowhere. Often they are the first cause in leading to a person seeking out a location that permits them to act out their physical triggers. The physical triggers can therefore be avoided as one becomes aware of them, not so for the mental triggers.

A gentleman I spoke to a little while ago for instance, had a history of serial monogamy, as does many other men. From the time he was 14 until his late 20s, he had not been without a long-term monogamous relationship for longer than 6 – 8 weeks. Furthermore, he had rarely played the field in this period, thus he had a bad case of “catch feelingsitis” where he would fall in love with any woman he slept with, and attempt to make it into a long-term relationship. This created a very interesting pattern of behavior, where shortly after his previous relationship ended, he would follow the standard advice of sleeping with a new person. So far, so good. However, he would then instantly develop oneitis for what was intended as a one night stand.

This had the consequence of landing him in bad relationship after bad relationship, because he would do no vetting and no resume check, prior to entering the relationship. These relationships would last from a few months to a few years every time, and be characterized by the cluster-B pattern. Once he became aware of this pattern in his life he could make an effort to change it, by altering the underlying psychological mechanisms that resulted in the behaviors.

The Cascade Effect and Engineering Failure

What I theme the “cascade effect” is that once a person makes a small deviation from a planned course of action, this has a tendency to lead to more and larger deviations over time. A typical example would be someone who has a cheat meal, that then becomes a cheat day, then a cheat week and finally ends with discarding the diet completely. New behaviors will at this point be conscious choices and consists of acts contrary to your internalized patterns, and thus may result in reverting to the old mode of behavior. Someone who recently took up weight lifting may instead prefer to relax, and thus may make a string of excuses for why they should put off the gym until tomorrow, only to repeat the same internal dialogue the next day.

Backsliding into past behavior patterns is simple and this is the reason why the physical triggers should be avoided at first and focus should be on securing that the new, more productive habits are repeated until they are firmly established. Scott Adams mentions building “systems” and what that breaks down to, is that one should engineer life around maintaining the good habits that lead to achievement of the end-goals.

The idea behind Total Quality Management (TQM) is that a process should be created in such a way that it’s very easy to do it right, and to do it wrong requires effort. For instance, if one is assembling computers, there is only one way that parts will fit, as opposed to it being possible to put them in multiple configurations. The reasoning behind such a process is that most humans seek to do their job right, and most humans seek the easiest path, thus if they must expend more energy to do something wrong, they are less likely to do so.

Nobody begins a self-improvement process seeking to fail, but there are ways that they can engineer their own demise. I spoke of this in “Stuck in the middle“, where the focus was on trying to make many monumental changes in parallel, in a very short period of time. This means that they have set themselves up to fail as a result of having built too steep of an incline for themselves. Building the potential for cascade effects is another way of failing, so is maintaining their old haunts and habits. Testing willpower against temptation is an important step in the process, but doing so constantly is likely to increase risk of failure.

Stuck in the Middle

In last week’s post the topic was a man stuck in the middle between too many concurrent self-improvement efforts, resulting in not getting results in any of them. However, one can also become stuck in the middle between the new self, the old self and the best self. The Purple Pill is a prime example of being stuck in the middle between the red pill and the blue pill. One accepts red pill truths, but attempt to work around and with them in order to realize the blue pill fantasy. This is a conflict between the socially mandated and reinforced world view and the newly adopted world view.

Anyone who has ever undertaken a major self-improvement project in their life is familiar with the reaction “You are not being the real you” or some variation thereof, this is often spun as coming from a place of concern, however what is taking place is that the construct of you a person has in their head, does not match what they observe. Thus, they decide to encourage, threaten or guilt you into reverting to patterns that reflect their internal image of you. This reaction often comes from the relative loss of power they feel as a man goes from being the presently dictated socially approved version of a man, which is often based in the view of men as flawed women.

Such interventions will often seek to take advantage of your previous programming, in many cases by exposing you to those situations or psychological positions that had previously worked as a means to control you. This mirrors the extinction burst often observed near the end of Cluster-B relationships, when the cluster B person will utilize every single tool that had previously worked as a means of controlling you in rapid succession to regain control.

Summary and Conclusions

When a man first finds the red pill they are often able to identify and explain many of their previous failings. Men’s deductive problem-solving approach is highly useful in that once we are made aware of an error, the path towards correcting it often becomes clear and it comes down to execution. The challenge comes in the fact that most of the previous failings have been established over a long period of time, and thus are the default behavior. When attempting to correct these failings, the man faces not only challenges within himself, and internalized patterns, he also faces social reinforcement of those old and destructive patterns.

One of the keys to lasting change is the engineering of life and mind in a way that reinforces and maintains the new patterns with a minimum of effort. A man beginning a self-improvement process does so full of energy and determination, and thus can maintain sub-optimal processes for a time, however as the process extends in time, his probability of failure increases. This may be those who get within 5 – 10 lbs of their goal weight, and then decides that they can relax a bit, only to yo-yo back up to their previous weight. Men who decide that they need to play the field after a break-up only to find themselves in a new monogamous relationship with their one-night stand. Men who have gone from a 4 to a 6, and are now getting attention from female 4s and 5s, deciding to cash in their chips instead of playing another round.

These men may be moderately satisfied with their results so far, and thus see less value in getting that last 20% of results, not realizing that the last 20% are also those that bring the most value. Thus, they expose themselves to their triggers again, find their old programming slowly seizing control of their behaviors and in half the time those results took them to get or less they are back to “just be yourself” and the blue pill illusion.

The Mark Baxter Podcast

I recently made my second appearance on the Mark Baxter Podcast, Mark is a great host, who has an ability to bring out the best in his guest and inspires new ideas. He also has an uncanny ability to converse with virtually anyone, and since starting his podcast he’s lined up a veritable who’s who of high profile manosphere figures.

This episode was very interesting to me, as it was a joint episode with Rollo Tomassi, the man who is probably cited more than any other on this blog, the author of therationalmale.com and the books by the same name. The Godfather of the red pill, and the man who’s sexual market value curve was the foundation for the first ever post I wrote for Gendernomics. Rollo has written many great posts, but my favorite posts are “Betas in Waiting” and “Saving the Best“, two posts that I consider crucial for the destruction of what remains of the blue pill illusion.

The podcast has a feeling very similar to that of just hanging out, discussing ideas and thoughts with friends over drinks, despite the heavy topics that are regularly covered.

 

For those of you who didn’t catch my first discussion with Mark on his Podcast, you can find it here

 

Red Pill Logic: Stuck in the Middle

Stuck in the middle comes from an observation by Harvard strategy professor Michael Porter regarding companies that attempt to compete on two fronts that are mutually exclusive. This results in the company not being able to focus their energy towards a single objective, and thus not performing in an optimal way. In a general principle this comes back to the fact that a Jack of all trades is a master of none. When men find the manosphere, they find the biggest self-improvement community on the internet, that deals with self-improvement in many areas of life. What started with the simple scripts of presenting yourself as a high value male, has morphed into a community focused on constructing high value men.

Many of the men who enter this sphere find themselves wanting in multiple regards. If they are lucky there is merely one glaring issue staring them in the face, but often there are a mix of psychological, physiological and social issues that they find themselves having to resolve. In an effort to rectify these issues rapidly, they find themselves frantically attempting to improve on every front at once, only for their willpower to run out and the inevitable backsliding takes place. Much of the time I see this written off as weakness on the part of the individual man, rather than poor planning in the initial stages.

The sheer volume of red pill literature these days is so immense, and a man who is recently awoken from the blue pill illusion is rapidly made painfully aware of the many bricks that built the walls illusion and that he must now disassemble. This wall that served him throughout his life consists of mindset, physiology, psychology, habits, principles, learned scripts, innate scripts and many other pieces that in their totality serve as the causality of his life. His view that karma sorts out everything, that he doesn’t need to exercise and eat real food, innate issues with self-esteem, the habit of putting other people before self, or principles about how to behave all work together in synergy to create a weak, sick, submissive, supplicating man.

This wall that in some regards was constructed as a means to sequester himself within his own world, where he is safe and comfortable, as the 48 laws of Power says about fortresses

The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere— everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from—it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people, find allies and mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.

When faced with reality that this wall obscures his view of the world, and forms a construct that leads to him undertaking actions and making choices that were at best ill-informed in an effort to remain in control of imagined risk, he often undertakes to deconstruct in a day that which was built over a lifetime. Continue reading

Gendernomics: The Backsliding Blues

In the corporate world it’s not uncommon to see companies hire expensive consulting assistance, pay exorbitant sums for common sense, and searching for answers to simple questions. A common feature of such companies is that regardless of the quality of advice they get, they attempt to implement it, often with fanfare, only to find themselves compromising and backsliding within a few months. This is not only detrimental to the employees, management and shareholders but also a gigantic waste of corporate funds. In my latest appearance on the Mark Baxter Podcast, this was a topic that came up for discussion between Mark, Rollo of therationalmale.com and myself.

One can observe that former PUA gurus such as Style and Mystery, along with men such as Tucker Max (Natural Jerkboy) over time have found themselves forgetting the very lessons they sought to instill in men a decade ago, only to embrace the blue pill, and moving into “relationship advice“. As Style aptly points out in “The Game” his journey as a pick-up artist did teach him how to pick up and bed women, but he found himself unlearning much of it to make the relationship with his oneitis work. He also tells the story of Mystery being deep in depression over his inability to make things last with his oneitis of choice.

In a tweet a while back I made the analogy that the red pill is like diet and exercise, the second you stop doing it, you start the backslide to your old self, and this is a phenomena that can be observed in many men who adopt PUA scripts or red pill ideas only to discard them over time when convenient. To some extent this forms the foundation of the purple pill, where the core premise is that if you are only aware enough of red pill principles you can attain the paradise presented by the blue pill illusion. Continue reading

Red Pill Logic: The Good Boys

Some men go through life in a very predictable pattern, always seeking validation for their pro-social behavior. Whether it be as children when they follow the directions of parents, teachers, other adults, or when they grow up and adopt the familiar narratives that so many men fall victim to in their journey through life. In my time in academia I saw many of these men, often seeking predictable safe degrees in engineering, business, accounting, that they had been planning to do for most of their life. Their time prior to college had often been spent getting the best grades possible, maximizing their extracurricular activities, keeping up their perfect attendance scores and otherwise maximizing their chances of getting into a “good” college.

A majority of them had a life-plan laid out that went something along the lines of get into a good college, get a solid degree with good grades, intern with one of the top companies available, graduate, get a job with this company, work their way up the corporate ladder, be rewarded with a beautiful sexpot wife, 2.4 kids and a beautiful home. This goal was their motivation and they put their nose to the grindstone every single day to make it a reality. However, as is often the case with plans, in their meeting with reality few if any hold up.

As Mike Tyson once said “Everyone has a plan ’till they get punched in the mouth.”

The trouble that such men often face, is that rather than designing their own path in life, they accepted the various narratives that they had been presented with while growing up and then permitted their super-ego to govern their life, for years if not decades. The “Good Boys” are convinced that there is an inner morality to the world, and that the social narratives present the good way to live, thus if one lives according to the narratives, one will be rewarded for one’s good behavior. This world-view is embodied in the concept of karma, where good things come to good people and bad things happen to bad people. Continue reading