Female to male translations :Part 1

1. “I used to be wild but I’m not anymore”

What it used to mean: “I go out once in a while and dance with my friends and I will occasionally have a beer”

What it means now: Back in the day, I had a wild time, I banged all kinds of men in all kinds of dirty ways, but you get missionary, because I’m a good girl now.

2. “I’m curvy”

What it used to mean: I have a body like Sofia Vergara or Sofia Loren.

What it means now: I have a body like Sofia Vergara or Sofia Loren if they gained 200 – 300 lbs. A synonym would be BBW.

3. “I’m a traditional woman”

What it used to mean: “I would prefer staying home, taking care of the house and the children, and letting my husband handle the hard stuff”

What it means now: “I would prefer being a stay at home mom for about 18 years, or until our last kid goes to college, I will expect you to handle your share of the housework even if you are working full time to support us. “

4. “I’m a spiritual woman”

What it used to mean: “I believe that there are more things to life than what the eyes can see, or science can measure, I believe in something greater than myself”

What it means now: “I can hear the voice of God in my head and would probably qualify under at least 1 of the many diagnostic criteria for mental illness in the DSM”

5. “I’m a strong and independent woman”

What it used to mean: “I handle my own business and my own life

What it means now: “I will give you hell with my demands and will expect you to handle my shit

6. “I’m an educated and logical woman”

What it used to mean: “I am well versed in conversational topics that are pleasurable to my man, and I can engage him in stimulating conversations”

What it means now: “I will browbeat your ass with emotional reasoning until you tell me I’m right just so you can get some sleep”

7. “I’m looking for a close relationship”

What it used to mean: “I want to spend time with you, enjoy your company and do my utmost to make sure that you enjoy mine”

What it means now: “I will expect you to give me all your passwords, why are you still friends with that bitch you went to junior high with 25 years ago?”

8. “I enjoy spending time together just talking”

What it used to mean: “I would like to spend time talking to you”

What it means now: “I would like to spend time with you, where you listen to me while I rant at you”

9. “We need to talk”

What it used to mean: “The two of us need to have a conversation to lay some issues that I experience to rest”

What it means now: “I’m going to yell at you and offer ultimatums until you submit”

10. “I can take care of myself”

What it used to mean: “I am a person who is perfectly comfortable ensuring my own well-being

What it means now: “Please take care of me

11. “I don’t like giving head”

What it used to mean: “That seems dirty to me and I’m not comfortable doing it because you will respect me less”

What it means now: “I’m not going to give YOU head, I may to others”

12. “I’m just not a sexual person”

What it used to mean: “Due to my upbringing and my personality, sex is just not that important to me and I feel very uncomfortable engaging in sexual acts”

What it means now: “I got fucked so many times, by so many guys, and in the end I decided that you can provide for me, but I’m just out-fucked”

13. “I’m just not ready for a serious relationship”

What it used to mean: “I’m not ready for a serious relationship”

What it means now: “I’m ready for a serious relationship, but just not with you, so I prefer just getting laid with random dudes until a long-term prospect shows up”

14. “I just need to figure out who I am”

What it used to mean: “I have spent most of my life conforming to the expectations of others, now I just want to know what I want”

What it means now: “I just want to party with my girlfriends and bang random dudes for a while.”

15. “You are such a great friend…”

What it used to mean: “I really appreciate that we can be friends”

What it means now: “I’m not going to sleep with you (unless I have a weak moment) but I would really like to keep you around to do stuff for me.”

16. “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now”

What it used to mean: “I’m not really sure if my dad would approve”

What it means now: “I want to keep my options open, but hang around and do stuff for me please”

17. “I’m just focusing on my career”

What it used to mean: “I need to make sure I won’t get fired

What it means now: “I just want to not sleep with you

18. “I just feel gross and icky right now”

What it used to mean: “I’m on my period”

What it means now: “I just do not want to sleep with you

19. “I’m a highly logical and intelligent woman”

What it used to mean: “I focus on facts, logic and my school work

What it means now: “I can pretend to be logical before assaulting you with emotional reasoning

20. “I’m a sensitive and emotional person

What it used to mean: “Please do not expose me to the cruelty of the world, you are my guardian

What it means now: “By entering into this relationship, you agree to submit to every emotional demand I have, and to not press charges if I stab you in your sleep”

21. “I love animals”

What it used to mean: “I enjoy being around animals”

What it means now: “I have 17 cats, 6 dogs, and a partridge in my pear tree”

22. “I’m a single mom and I need to put my kids first”

What it used to mean: “I’m serious about raising my children in a good way, and I will not risk hurting them by having a string of men entering and then exiting my life”

What it means now: “I will use my kids as an excuse not to make you a priority in my life, while still expecting you to contribute to raising them and maintaining my lifestyle”

23. “I just like doing my thing”

What it used to mean: “I have my own life going on, and I’d like to have fun

What it means now: “If you sleep with me, expect me to stalk you, and expect you to treat me like a wife

24. “I really care about social issues”

What it used to mean: “It is important to me that our community is maintained and is close”

What it means now: “I will be dying my hair blue, my armpit hair pink, and will emasculate you on a daily basis”

25. “I’m a feminist”

What it used to mean: “I think women should have the same rights and duties as men in our society, I’m willing to accept more duties in order to be treated equally”

What it means now: “I think I should get more rights than men, while being obligated to perform less duties”

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4 comments on “Female to male translations :Part 1

  1. Timo Fischer says:

    Hahahaha you nailed it! Beautiful man just beautiful.

    Like

  2. Ash says:

    The way I see these, most of the “what it used to mean” still apply to a lot of women today. Or at least they do to me.

    Like

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