The 5 Stages of Red Pill

stages-of-grief-300x282The reaction to red pill philosophy depends very much on both the sender and the receiver of communication. Some men take to the Red pill philosophy as helping them finally make sense of their troubles, and gives them a framework for fixing the problems they are experiencing. Others reject the philosophy wholesale and writes it off as misogyny, or fables. Some seek to adopt some principles, but reject others, collectively this group is referred to as “Purple Pill“.

Many times the reaction to the philosophy is strongly correlated with the situation then man is in when first presented with the body of knowledge that collectively makes up the theoretical framework of the red pill.  In many cases a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down, in the case of the red pill a solid kick to some of the more sensitive parts of a male tends to be the required catalyst. This is no different than when rejecting any long-held beliefs that shape our world-view.

I’m reminded of a flight I was on some years ago, where I found myself sitting next to an older gentleman on the way home from a golf trip. As often happens, we ended up in a discussion of our educational pursuits. He had studied philosophy at a higher level, and I asked why considering he had spent most of his life until retirement in the business-world. His answer was that philosophy is the foundation of everything, it encompasses all perspectives you hold. Thus, changing your core philosophy is akin to changing your core programming. Once you change a foundation belief, all your other beliefs must be examined.

Most of us are raised within the blue pill sphere of influence, our mothers raise us to be good husbands, which is a synonym for female enablers. We are raised on “happily ever after” from the first fairy-tale we heard before bedtime, to the one we watched on Netflix yesterday. The blue pill fantasy is an intoxicating one, for every man there is a woman who is his perfect mate, and she will find him. This woman will ensure that his life is according to what he has been told is the greatest experience a man can have in this world, a loving, doting wife and children. He will never want for sex again, as his perfect mate will fulfill his fantasies, and he will fulfill hers.

The five stages of grief in many ways represent the journey that most men must travel before finally accepting the philosophy and being willing to make the substantial investment required to re-align their life with their desires. One has to put one’s old beliefs in a casket, and move on towards a new philosophy of life.


The first stage of red pill awakening is denial. Some of the cardinal truths of the red pill, female hypergamy, solipsism, blame shifting, and the female penchant for manipulation and deception, are often what triggers the worst reactions when introducing a man to the red pill. The realization that if the red pill is true, then it follows that he was to blame for many of his issues, it has little to do with women, who are just acting out their social and biological programming in a predictable way. If introduced to game prior to much of the red pill theory, game will often be rejected as being manipulative, deceitful, immoral and many other things, as the enabling power of game alone shatters illusions.

I’ve seen many men react in this manner when first introduced to game and pick-up material, because one of their core principles is that “Women must be courted”. When they first see a person proficient in game pulling same night lays in a consistent manner, this reality is unknown and seems manipulative to them. Secondly, his respect for women will probably take a nosedive initially, as he stops putting them on a pedestal, and starts to view them in a more reality-oriented manner. Thirdly, many blue pill men are unwilling to view the woman as an agent who is engaging in her natural programming, they instead lambast the other male for acting in a non-honorable manner. Men are not made in a manner where they hold a woman accountable to the same level as a man, to do so would shatter their illusions of the feminine.

The denial can be caused by many unconscious perspectives, from accepting that they are from nature worth nothing, and that their entire value to the world is a function of their accomplishments. That they must undertake grand demonstrations of worth, build value and earn what women are granted for merely existing. That no woman will ever love him as he dreams of being loved, and that they are in fact incapable of such love. The fact that his life, will be constant work and performance if he wants to realize his desires, and that everything he was told he could have only comes as a result of hard work.


The second stage of being exposed to red pill philosophy is frequently anger. Some manifest anger at womanhood in general for the duplicitous sexual strategy of “Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks“, others at fathers for not “raising them right“, or the world for not informing them.  When a man is presented with evidence that most of the resources he spent towards getting laid, and much of the associated frustration when she just wanted to be friends after 11 dates with no sex, are easily explained. He triggered her provider instinct and thus she put off sex while deciding if she was ready to settle down. Anger is a natural reaction, both at himself, at women and at the society that told him that he was doing the right thing for his goal, but that misled him.

It was a case of the principal and the agent, where he was raised not to be someone’s one night stand, but the man his mother wanted his father to be. His social programming has been one that sets him up to realize the worst possible deal for himself, but the best one possible for the woman and the social group. In this manner, he may find himself experiencing feelings of being deceived, not only by the society without a face, but also by those in which he has the most trust.

Perhaps the most sinister is the realization that much like the unknowing population of the Matrix, that were slowly being drained of bio-energy to power other creatures, the man within the blue pill framework is slowly being drained of his energy to enable and power the society to which he belongs.


The bargaining stage is perhaps the most interesting, this is the realm of the purple pill, where fully aware of the depths of red pill philosophy, the man staunchly refuses to let go of the fantasy offered by the blue pill. The soul-mate, the partner with whom he can finally drop the performance burden, all pretense and just be himself. Yet, he is painfully aware that this is in fact a carrot presented by society to ensure that he serves his role as useful appliance.

In the bargaining stage the man commonly rationalizes his cognitive dissonance, through idealization or arguments to exception. Outlining that the woman he has found to be his perfect soul-mate is actually the exception that proves the rule, or for some reason is different from other women. The fact that this is classic idealization and a trait of blue pill thinking appears to escape notice, through various bias.

The bargaining stage is a challenge, as the dream of the blue pill is deeply ingrained in most men as is the fantasy that is spoon-fed to most throughout their childhood.


Depression hits predictably and comes from the fact that “unplugging” requires that all former fantasies must be discarded as just that. Being a red pill man, in no way means that a wife or a long-term relationship must be rejected, however it means in fact an increased performance burden rather than a lesser one. Once locked in a long-term relationship, especially one where the parties are living with each other, means constantly having to be aware of shit tests and maintaining an alpha frame. Furthermore, it means that the man also must accept the performance burden increase caused by now being the sole accountable party for both himself and his partner.

For a man who was sold the fantasy of a relationship without the performance burden as the ultimate reward from the world for his good behavior, the reality of the situation is often unexpected. It is not uncommon for the man to regress into the bargaining stages, and intermittent visits to anger. At this point, the awakening appears more like staring into an abyss as one faces down the monster, and reevaluates every aspect of one’s philosophy.


The acceptance of the red pill is a constant decision that must be affirmed, it is very easy to slip back into comfortable patterns. As many who have gone on diets or started exercise programs know, it takes much longer to build a habit than to for it to break down. Accepting the red pill means that the man accepts that he will always be expected to be the caretaker and enabler of women, at his own expense. The rejection of this unstated foundation of civilization will often result in social backlash. A man who elects to live for his own betterment, rather than that of women and his social group may suffer large amounts of scorn and derision. From “Peter Pan” to “Boy-Man” he may expect that his life choices will be scrutinized heavily by those closest to him.

One must bear in mind that most people are heavily invested in blue pill conditioning, especially the men who are most invested in it and the women who rely most heavily on it. The Western Romantic narrative is one of fairly recent invention, yet it has gained a remarkable amount of traction in few years.

Summary and Conclusions

The five stages of grief is an apt model for describing awakening to the red pill. Men do not always go through all the 5 stages, on occasion they will enter directly into the anger stage, often as a result of coming face to face with red pill truths in their lives. Often the result of such manifests either in the form of depression, bargaining or anger, that serves to jolt the person from their social conditioning.

An object in a vacuum remains in motion or remains inert unless acted upon by an external force. There are many different journeys that can be taken to red pill acceptance, ranging from the divorce after 30 years of marriage, to the brief, but eventful and emotionally loaded relationship with a narcissist, psychopath or borderline. Perhaps the best recruiters to the red pill are women who suffer from borderline personality disorder, in which the normal woman’s entitlement, blame-shifting, manipulative tendencies, emotional roller-coaster, and erratic behavior is magnified to the most extreme levels.

Anger is the force that will drive through the barriers of bargaining, depression and to the goal of acceptance. A point in which most of the work still is a head of him as he starts rebuilding himself and his mind to embrace the new philosophy. Perhaps the greatest red herring in this race will be the belief that without the blue pill utopia his life will be a series of meaningless, but sexually fulfilling experiences with a variety of women. Where he may never become a father, or partner and otherwise his dreams of the house and white picket fence have to be left behind.

This is not the case, in fact the red pill perspective is what facilitates this in reality, rather than purely as an illusion. The divorce rate in the Western World is around 50%, which means that those men who follow the path told by the cultural and social narrative have a mere 50% chance of a long-term relationship that does not end in divorce. Furthermore, of the remaining 50, how many are living lives of quiet desperation as they struggle to finance lifestyles beyond their means, while balancing the duties that come with fatherhood, with being a partner and their own needs?

A note:

I recently launched a Patreon page where I will be posting additional content every month for those who support me and I will do a Google Hangout for the highest tier Patrons (limited to 10 people).

I’ve also had some requests for consults, which I’ve declined up until now, but due to demand I’ve chosen to open up for doing some consults on request. For details please check out my Consulting and Patreon Page

As always you can buy my book Gendernomics at as both paperback and Kindle

More Reading

The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi

The Red Queen: Sex and the evolution of human nature by Matt Ridley

18 comments on “The 5 Stages of Red Pill

  1. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been on those stages, been depressed for 2 years.. (the cause of my shock was rejection from someone which let me question everything I did on my life so far, and the people I’m with), then when the time I found the reasons of standing up again, I went on the bargaining stage, people I know don’t understand, even the ones close to me, so I got really angry… loneliness was replaced with anger not with my current self but on the things I did in the past, and the drive to cut off everything, I burned all bridges, deleted all social media accounts, connections. Nobody genuinely cared.

    Now I’m reading all the books/courses I can get related to the Dark Triad and High Level Business Strategies and Tactics to start my own business on the side while I have my day job. My decision was to build my life from scratch.

    What you Think and Do decides what you Attract and Have in your life. I am aware that the people and situations I attracted were not aligned with the new me, so I gotta throw those away. Life is too short to waste time on people or situations that are all garbage.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Self-talk has a powerful effect on our minds, negative self-talk and self-perception colors every aspect of our interactions with the world and ourselves. Thus, sometimes it is useful to break off previous connections in order to rebuilt without the ability or pressure to fall into the same old, and easy to adopt patterns. Reading the books is without a doubt useful, but what makes information powerful is when you are able to apply knowledge as leverage to catapult yourself forward.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. […] in influence, and for many men who are recovering blue pill men but who have not reached the acceptance phase, the purple pill perspective represents a red herring. From the Dunning-Kruger effect, we learn […]


  3. Do you think civilization would collapse if every single man was red-pilled? Would it be best to train yourself to adhere to the red-pill philosophy and leave “in the dark” all females and most of the males?


    • If every single man was red pill, civilization would flourish not flounder. If every single man is blue pill, civilization goes into decline and dies. There is a reason why no great empires exist in history that were matriarchal. Empires fall when their men become women.


  4. […] his life. This is in many ways a very traumatic event, and the man often goes through the five stages of grief when he begins his journey. He also must internalize new habits in order for his behavior to appear […]


  5. […] a man finds the red pill, he begins moving through the classic 5 stages, there is no guarantee that he will ever progress to acceptance. The red pill is difficult not only […]


  6. thomasso75 says:

    Nice walk through. Thanks!


  7. […] made me think of the stages a man goes through when he finds the red pill. First he is in denial, then if he continues he becomes angry, after […]


  8. Idunnolol says:

    Amazing text, amazing blog as a whole. I stumbled upon your blog while researching redpill itself and I found the content very intriguing, I’ll make sure to read some more.

    About the post itselt, guess I’m in the bargain stage, I’m aware of the hipergamic nature of women and how they play life on very easy with mods, yet I dream of marrying a fair lady from a Catholic family that lived her entire life away from modern degeneracy. I’m aware how ridiculous and impossible that is, yet I still dream about it before going to bed. Guess once a beta raised by your mother to he a husband, allways a beta etc. Btw, my brothers have the same behavior, they’re unhappily married and I’m afraid I’ll follow the same path.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Testi says:

    Denial – Anger – Depression – Bargaining – Anger – Depression – AccepDenial
    Getting to Acceptance needs a lot of work, and plates, and a mission, which needs a lot of work too.
    It’s hard, but it’s worth it.


  10. […] 5 stages of grief”. I myself have written two essays on the subject, one dealing with the 5 stages in general, and one focused on the anger phase. The interesting thing is that while a lot of energy […]


  11. […] last week’s essay, I talked about the bargaining phase of the 5 stages of grief, characterized by a desire to negotiate and seek compromise in order to put off or lessen a […]


  12. Undertakers says:

    I’m just curious about the whole hypergamy thing. How come Lesbian women never go through this BS? Why is it only straight guys who must deal with this stuff, but no one ever talks about hypergamy affecting lesbian couples, women jumping around from woman to woman. If Lesbian women possess more self control in a relationship why is it so impossible for straight women to have self control with just one guy?

    Just because a woman turns dyke it doesn’t mean hypergamy disappears. But nobody brings it up between women of the same sex. What I’ve been told is that lesbians cheat a lot less on each other, and their love is usually a lot more genuine. In which case if that is true at all, Lesbians got it made. But I’ve also heard from some lesbian women they got sick of putting up with women and their BS, so they went back to dating men again because of it. So its not like they are immune to the same crap hetero males put up with since some lesbians deal with similar issues. Just not the hypergamy thing though. My cousin was a lesbian, but she told me she went back to men because she was annoyed with women and how they behaved.


  13. […] examples abound in a post on the cycle of grief by a redpilled pick-up artist, where he decries the “the female penchant […]


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