In my recently released Gendernomics book, I go through a subject that I themed relationship cost accounting, that utilizes some common methods to establish the opportunity and sunk costs of a man entering a relationship. A correlate to this is what I theme “vagina valuation” that draw on some classic finance and accounting methodologies to define a value for a woman. This was inspired by the classic quote:
“No matter how hot she is, someone out there is sick of dealing with her shit”
Which can be viewed as a woman writing checks her vagina cannot cash, either immediately or over time. Most men who have experience from a relationship or two, can testify that women are somewhat like a new car, at first just getting inside it is existing and exhilarating but over time as the sense of new fades, so does the emotions experienced. As with other drugs, one must seek out steadily increasing levels of experience in order to gain the same emotional impact. However, in many cases, performance declines as the relationship matures, as excitement is replaced by maneuvering from the woman to take control. The move for control is in many ways a typical move women makes when a relationship reaches a certain stage, this stage is very relative and depends among other things on her age, her own sexual market value, the man’s sexual market value and cultural/social context, however it always happens unless the relationship self-destructs very early on.
To some extent this is driven by what appears to be an inherent female tendency to fall for a man who embodies certain qualities and traits, only to proceed to eradicate those traits in him, if he permits her to, should he fight back, it predictably causes the woman to increase her less than ideal behaviors. This represents a situation wherein the value the man places on the woman is tested by the woman’s behavior over time. However, this also functions to display to the man the woman’s true self.
Both women and men misrepresent themselves somewhat during initial courtship, however, women to a larger extent engage in bait and switch behavior, thus this situation represents a true test of her idealized self and her true self. The inherent tendency for misrepresentation and machiavellianism in women, lead to valuation metrics being somewhat questionable. In the process referred to as “Due Diligence” during a merger, acquisition or joint venture, the goal is to work through massive amounts of data, rearranging and reviewing it in order to identify discrepancies. This is done in order to establish a “true and fair” view that one can then analyze.
This is largely an information gathering phase in which the goal is to elicit as much information as possible, and then to search through that information to generate an approximation of truth. I outlined some useful tactics in an earlier article on elicitation, and these tactics do function very well during this phase. Early on in a relationship, one has little information about a prospective mate and investment in the relationship tends to often be perfectly correlated with the level of information to which one has access. This is not an ideal situation in that as your level of information increases, so does the level of investment.
A man must keep in mind that during the early stages of a relationship both parties are motivated by avoiding rejection, and thus seek to suppress qualities that they perceive as negative about themselves. The most interesting aspect of this is that those women who most expertly hide their flaws and flags are the ones who are the most destructive in nature. This early phase is often based on the sexual strategies that each person involved employs, and thus they will act in accordance with strategy, not reality.
As you are gathering information it is of primary importance to note those things you are tempted to gloss over as “one off” or strangely out of character. This is not to say that the deviation from consistency is the actual rule, however more that such behaviors are more likely to be genuine than behaviors that appear to demonstrate perfection. This is a distinction between the planned and reactive aspects of a personality, wherein what one plans specifically to promote a given image can be executed and controlled to a much larger degree than that which is a reaction to stimuli.
What one wants to look for during this phase are obvious contradictions and red flags in her presentation. One of the aspects that make lies easier to determine is that most people struggle when it comes to keeping lies consistent with each other. The truth often has an inherent consistency, where lies often diverge. This is one of the things lawyers and law enforcement are trained to look for when interviewing or questioning witnesses and defendants.
This is quite common in that a woman will have a propensity to want to be seen as feminine and submissive initially, with taking control being her long term goal. In this case her act is a ploy to ensure enough investment by the male to the point where she can slowly wrestle control from him over time. This is very difficult to notice when the takeover takes place over a period of years or in some cases decades.
The usual tells of a woman feigning being submissive comes in the form of “flare ups” where you observe clear signs of narcissism or emotional reactivity. Emotional reactivity here is not in terms of emotions such as sadness, but most frequently anger, frustration, disdain or disgust. However, frequent mood changes seemingly without cause is a red flag in and of itself and should be investigated further. This “flare up” may take many other forms, interactions with service persons in general and reactions to not getting what she wants are often a clue, a true submissive person would never start an argument in public for instance.
A second sign that she is putting on an act comes in the form of a rejection schema, where she will refuse to indulge you in something you desire, and when you push back she reacts by attempting to blame you for it. In this case she is blaming you for her reaction rather than attempt to come up with an explanation as to why she is hesitant. This was one of those reactions I only noticed with experience, that female reactions often come either in the form of attempting to explain themselves, or in the form of attempting to externalize blame, in some cases both.
This frequently takes the form of overt flattery and covert disrespect. For instance, a woman may flatter you on the surface, while refusing to respect boundaries you have set. Linked with submissiveness, she may overtly agree with your decision or what appears to be a mutual decision, yet covertly undermine it through her actions and behind your back. The contradiction here comes in the form of what is happening on the surface and what is taking place underneath the surface.
As a relationship progresses and if a legal bond has been established the covert disrespect frequently becomes overt, as she no longer has any motivation for concealment. This can often be observed in the beta relationship life cycle, where the wife starts off seemingly in love and respectful of her future beta bucks, yet over time grows to not only disregard but openly voicing resentment for his perspectives.
This is somewhat akin to virtue signalling, which I view as an inherently female behavior. Wherein she signals a given set of virtues, yet once you start to gain more information it becomes very clear that her actions and stories are not consistent with her being an embodiment of her proclaimed virtues. For instance she may proclaim to be financially responsible, yet has massive credit card debts, or being a great cook, but burns tea water.
This demonstrates more than anything a lack of self-awareness, or a perceived lack of self-awareness. Most people attempt to act consistently with their values, and doing so has been viewed as a positive character trait for most of recorded history. A woman where one can observe such gaps between “Says” and “Does” early on, is most likely an iceberg where much more is hiding beneath the surface.
Conducting the Valuation
Many valuation metrics used are ratio based between two values, usually one type of asset and one type of liability. For instance return on equity (ROE), where one compares corporate net income (asset) as a percentage of total shareholders equity (liability). Return on assets compares annual corporate income to the total assets of the company. Return on Investment is calculated by subtracting the cost of an investment from the gain of that investment and dividing it by the cost of investment, to determine a percentage return.
For the purpose of this metaphor, a woman’s positive qualities and her actions that pleases you make up her assets, whereas her negative qualities and those actions that displeases you make up her liabilities. In the information gathering phase, you are attempting to learn her assets and her liabilities so that you can develop an internal balance sheet for that woman. Over time you will gradually develop a better and more detailed view of her total accounts and thus the accuracy of your valuation will improve. The major pitfall in this phase includes paying more attention to her assets rather than her liabilities, something that will destroy any attempt at an accurate valuation. This is quite common in the business world as well, where stories and narratives about future growth, and potential overshadow the stark reality of a company.
As one moves ahead with analysis phase, the data is scrutinized to determine if there is any malfeasance with the balance sheet. If one is conducting due diligence it is not uncommon to challenge asset valuations, accounting conventions used, aspects of intangible assets and good will, and various other factors within the corporate data in order to arrive at a true and fair view. In much the same manner one must strive to establish when and if assets and/or liabilities are genuine, and that your view of them is accurate. This is the stage where most men make grave errors in that they over-estimate her assets and under-estimate her liabilities. Unlike accounting and valuations, in many cases these are entirely subjective perspectives governed by the man’s mindset, and inherent bias. A man suffering from oneitis for instance shows an extreme level of asset over-valuation combined with an extreme under-valuation of her liabilities.
If one moves this metaphor one step ahead to corporations listed on a public stock exchange, the man also makes a grave error in this regard, in that the future prospects are viewed as an absolute certainty, with no heed paid to the risks, and potential pitfalls of the investment. This is equivalent to a share that has a very high price to earnings ratio (P/E), which demonstrates that the company has significant growth priced in to its share value that continues to increase in market value without significant changes to the underlying prospect.
Summary and Conclusions
This initial paragraph of this essay ends on the quote “No matter how hot she is, someone out there is sick of dealing with her shit”, the meaning behind this quote is that no matter how high a woman’s assets are, some man has grown to view her liabilities as greater than the assets. One may argue this as a case of altered perspectives, however it may also signify that this man who has intimate knowledge of both, finally has gained a relatively balanced perspective. Men are inherently prone towards putting too much weight on her assets and paying little heed to her liabilities in early relationship stages, not realizing that this may be intentional by the woman to sucker him into an investment, or merely his own hopes of finally having found his unicorn coming to fruition.
I’ve spoken about various bias that are at play when a man develops a case of oneitis, and it is remarkably similar to the mistakes a seasoned investor or businessman may make when he is in love with a company or project. The ultimate solution is to force a degree of objective thinking and fact-based thinking into what society tells us should be an entirely subjective and emotional part of our life. What is often forgotten is that until quite recently marriage and relationships were a pragmatic business decision often made by the families of the couple, not the couple itself.
With the present legal climate, in regards to divorce law, child custody and criminal justice factors, it is of great importance that a man does his vetting and valuations with great care and focus in order to maintain his financial and legal freedom.