III. You shall make your mission, not your woman, your priority 
The fundamental challenge with this commandment however, is that it presumes that all men have a clear and defined mission in their head that they can make the primary target to aim for in their life. The reality is that many men are like objects in a vacuum, they remain inert until acted upon by an external force. They simply have no idea what their mission is, and some do not even know what having a mission entails. How can one put one’s mission before a woman if one lacks a mission and has a woman? Alternatively, how can one avoid making a woman one’s mission if one lacks a mission?
Some men are born with an innate sense of purpose and know what they desire from an early age, but many do not pay much attention to having a mission, and instead opt to be adrift for years and sometimes decades. In some sense, this can be partly blamed on a social order where men are no longer raised by men, and thus are no longer trained by men to develop that sense of purpose. I’ve known many men who despite great talents and abilities do not live up to their potential.
A few years in my early twenties were spent in such drift, aimless, and without much purpose. However, various life experiences served to radically upend this view of the world. It appears that a man who finds himself adrift may only be awoken from his slumber by significant adversity and challenge. Frequently, the longer he has been in such a slumber, the greater the challenge he must face in order to prove himself worthy of progression.
Society has always had paths that men were supposed to follow in order to become full-fledged members of their social group. This often took the form of boys going with the men, and going through tests of manhood that symbolize his transition from child to man. Until fairly recently the male role was well-defined, in terms of actions and in terms of virtues, recently however, young men are presented with many, and quite contradictory messages. The female primary social order attempts to convince men that they should embrace their inner femininity, thus becoming an androgynous fusion of Anima and Animus. There are those who worship the individual mind and seek to create a state in which everything is permitted. Amidst this assault of contradictory messages, there is no wonder that young men find themselves confused, bewildered and often lost .
However, in a twist of irony that only the universe is capable of producing, this confusion, bewilderment and sense of vacuum serves as the crucible that the tests of manhood represented in times gone by.
The word crucible has multiple definitions of which all are relevant to this essay :
1 : a vessel of a very refractory material (as porcelain) used for melting and calcining a substance that requires a high degree of heat
2 : a severe test He’s ready to face the crucible of the Olympics.
3 : a place or situation in which concentrated forces interact to cause or influence change or development
One of the core aspects of a crucible is that a boy faces a severe test, that he either succeeds or fails at, this then influences his behavior in either a positive or negative direction. We all find ourselves facing adversity in life, and those who are successful often come out with a stronger sense of purpose and determination. However, our society at present also trains people into expecting to have such solutions handed to them in the form of simple “to do” lists. This is somewhat interesting in that a mission is a highly personal thing.
No man can determine his mission without facing his personal crucible, and we all face it at different points of our life. Some face it very early others do not find themselves confronting it until they are in the twilight of their lives. A society where everyone receives a participation trophy robs those who are successful of their well-earned differentiation from the group, however, more severely it takes from those who are unsuccessful the challenge of rising up and claiming their place. If the reward for failure and the reward for success are the same, then it follows that there is no incentive to expend the effort and accepting the risk of failure to attempt victory.
Changing the Question
Many people ask themselves the question “What do I want to become” and then attempt to answer this question in a deductive form. This leads into a string of questions that are all centered around determining the overlap between passion and talent. What are you passionate about and talented at? Advice is often “Work at your passion and you will never work a day in your life” or similar platitudes that do not lead to progression. For the young nihilist, of whom there are many, they can scarcely identify a worthy passion, nor anything close to natural talent, as one does not see natural talent manifest without exposure to the correct circumstances.
When one asks “What is my passion” and “What are my talents?” and then proceed to work out the next steps, it is done with an idea that if you work at something you are passionate about, and something that you are good at, then it will naturally follow that you will find your mission and your happiness. However, this is not an iron-clad conclusion, it is a hope, that by pursuing passion and talent, thus being true to oneself, one will be rewarded by the universe for “doing the right thing“.
The best advice I ever received on the topic was, “Ask yourself, what lifestyle do you want?” the reason why this question held such immense power for me is that while I had little knowledge of my own talents or passions, I knew very well what type of lifestyle I desired. This changes the question from being cause to being effect, in that your lifestyle is inevitably a consequence of choices that you have made, and thus is caused by those choices.
Once you identify the lifestyle that is desired, it it possible to break this down into concrete areas, such as finances, level of freedom, relationships and many other factors. Once this breakdown has been conducted, one can identify concrete action that can be taken to move towards these goals. Instead of asking what my mission was, I asked what outcome I desired from my mission. The power of asking the right questions and thus re-framing your predicament is a great ability to have.
Vision – Mission – Strategy – Tactics
This is a model that is frequently utilized in the world of business, it begins at the highest level, and then successively goes into more detail. The Vision statement defines the outcome that is desired. The vision should be general and broad, yet concrete enough that it is possible to link to a mission. Think of your vision as the optimal desired future state, it is a long-term goal (5 – 10 years at least) and it functions as a north star. It is important that this is clearly defined as an example:
“To be the best man in the world” is a poor vision statement, while it is inspirational, a long-term goal, and perhaps the optimal future state, it is not clearly defined. What is “the best man in the world”?
“To be the most successful man I can be professionally, financially and sexually” is a much better vision statement as it defines that you are beginning from your own abilities, what areas are important, and the areas in which success is desired.
A mission statement is based on your vision and flows as a natural extension of the vision. It should answer what you do, how you do it, and for whom you are doing it. An example of a mission statement based on the above mission statement, could be “To develop myself professionally, financially and sexually, through self-improvement so that I may live the life I desire“. This statement explains what you do “Develop yourself professionally, financially and sexually“, how you do it “through self-improvement” and for who you do it “so that I may live the life I desire“.
Strategy comes from the Greek “Strategos” meaning “Generalship” and represents the overall battle plan. In this case, the mission defines 3 areas, financial, sexual and profession that you seek to develop yourself in, it also defines the means by which you are doing so. Thus, when designing the strategy, you already have the foundation on which to construct it. In the strategy, goals should be created for each area, and the means by which you seek to achieve these goals should be broken down. For instance, if you are currently in debt, paying off this debt and instead saving money every month can be such a goal. A way to do this is through cutting back on discretionary expenses, another way is by increasing your income.
Strategy is operationalized through tactics, where you define the various smaller steps of each goal. If you have a goal to be debt free within 12 months, break down how much debt you have to repay every month over the period and then establish a way to free up the money to do so every month.
The flow here is that your vision says what you want the outcome to be, the mission says for who, what and how you seek to accomplish this, the strategy breaks down the mission further creating goals and long term plans for how to proceed, and the tactics further break down the strategy into achievable, measurable smaller steps.
Summary and Conclusions
The existence of a man’s mission is in many ways an implicit assumption of being able to manifest many of the recommended qualities that the manosphere advocates. The most obvious example is the initial one in this essay, where one is to put one’s mission ahead of one’s women. To make a woman your mission is to elevate her value beyond that which she could ever attain, and it will translate into a situation where the man cannot stand the idea of losing her, as losing her, would be losing the meaning of his life. However, having a mission in the world separate from the woman, one which he will never compromise for her, permits him to build an identity that is for himself, and which no woman can ever persuade him to give up. This also serves as a guard towards women of the damaged variety, as their inevitable goal is to ensure that the man’s life is centered around their needs and desires.
As outlined many men struggle with identifying their mission in a world that presents a cornucopia of choice and opportunity. This world in which we live, is also devoid of the secure paths that our fathers and grandfathers had available to them, thus requiring an element of additional risk that a man must face, namely that of uncertainty. However, identifying this mission and having it as an anchor for your frame and being is of crucial importance, otherwise one inevitably ends up as one of the many men who merely went along with the motions. These men can be observed as they have retreated to the garages or basement of their houses , creating man-caves within a feminized household in the one space that their wife permitted them to somewhat be men.
Having dedicated their lives to housing, clothing, feeding and protecting a woman and her/their offspring, the man’s reward is being able to be a man occasionally on the weekends, when she has not planned them out in their entirety for him. These men are living the lives of quiet desperation
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things..” Henry David Thoreau
This is the life of a man with no mission for himself, a life where he is a ship at sea with collapsed sails and a broken rudder, where he is merely at wait until the next wave or gust of wind pushes him in a direction, which he has no influence over. Thus, the first step of all men is to identify their mission, the purpose to which they will dedicate their life, and which with dogged determination they will pursue above and beyond all others.
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