Trouble is, a lot of men have no idea which things that happened to them were interesting, and which are not. @Blacklabellogic
This is one of those things that are quite obvious on the surface, so obvious in fact that I never really thought about it until I saw the tweet that prompted the response. It is no surprise really as women are the sex that has an inherent grasp of marketing, framing and rhetoric, where most male conversations tend to go down one of two paths.
The first path of male conversation is simply an information exchange following the problem – analysis – solution model, and I suspect this is the default male form of communication. This draws on deductive problem solving, requires clear, minimalist language in order to ensure maximum mutual understanding, and an honest presentation of the situation at hand.
The second path of male conversation takes the form of banter, of which locker room talk is a sub-category. This path tends to follow a tit-for-tat model where one-upping one another with better roasts, jokes, or stories is central, and functions somewhat to determine the status of each male, but also to hone an ability to be witty, humorous, and think on one’s feet. It also serves to keep a man grounded, and to bond the group together, through having fun at each other’s expense. An ability to be productive, honorable, funny, and so on contributes to either a rise or a fall within the male dominance hierarchy.
A man that seeks to improve his position in the sexual market place must do some initial analysis. Having an idea of how he needs to position himself in the market, the competitive pressures within the market and other market factors will be central in determining how to apply his efforts during product engineering. Luckily, much of this information is available in the manosphere on a general level.
Once he has this information, combined with his experience within the market, he is likely to have an understanding of the major factors that impact his value, the next step is then to establish where he deviates from those factors and with this understanding he can engage in targeted product engineering to adapt the product he is offering to the market to which he wants to appeal. Once these factors are engineered into the product (himself), he can start to consider the marketing aspect of the product.
The marketing aspect deals with the correct communication in regards to the product offering. In short, how does he present the value he represents in the best possible light. This is where game plays a major role. For instance, the opener represents a way to open an avenue of communication with a potential customer, and could be likened to everything from cold calling to banner ads. Once the customer has been “opened”, the next step is to get the customer invested in the communication. Once the customer is invested in the communication, one can move on to techniques that serve to best highlight the product, engage in influence techniques and various other means that seek to position the product in the mind of the customer. Finally the close represents the time when the customer has to make the first choice with tangible consequences.
There are two key areas in such a scenario, what information to present and how to present that information.
What to Communicate
Many men struggle when it comes to what they should and should not communicate verbally. What things about them are interesting and which are not interesting will depend largely on the audience. While a group of accountants may be very interested in a way to avoid getting hit with tax oversight of their chosen method of depreciation, odds are that telling the same thing to a woman on a date will put her into a coma.
As I said in a follow up tweet:
For many of them “I get great mileage out of my car” is equal to “I spent 8 months backpacking through Asia and almost got kidnapped” @Blacklabellogic
The former statement in this tweet is a typical piece of male communication, facts about things. In many ways male communication is built around communicating facts about things, how they relate and how they can be good/bad/manipulated. The second on the other hand is more adapted to conversation with a woman. One must remember that above all else women are focused on emotional experiences, exploration of herself, and self-actualization. “Facts about things” rarely result in an emotional experience, it does not contribute to a woman’s “exploration of herself” or her quest for adventure, finally knowing gas mileage does not in any way contribute to a woman’s self-actualization.
This failure to understand what is an interesting accomplishment/thing about yourself, and what is not, is central to the failure of men to “hook” women into conversation. Part of this comes from a degree of solipsism that all humans have, where one thinks that what is interesting to us, is interesting to everyone else. This is similar to those who attend a job interview and show up under- or overdressed, because they didn’t check the corporate website to see how people within that company tends to dress.
Many men relish the idea of having their life “in order“, meaning that there are few surprises, everything is running as if it was on rails, and they have a routine established for most things. However, this is the anathema to the female requirement for emotional excitement and exploration of self. A man will be very interested in how you structured your 401K in order to realize some nice gains, how adopting a low-carb diet affected your gym results or how moral systems are inherently subjective, depending on the man’s own interest to an extent. Conversations between men are very easy due to the two simple models, either contribute value through information exchange or through humor.
Think about this in terms of sales, in a sales situation one party is attempting to convince another party that they should purchase a product or service. Each customer is different in their attention to different things. For instance, I used to be a very “technically oriented” clothes shopper, I would care mainly about materials, how long the clothes would last, how comfortable they were and how much they cost. When I started to put more effort into the way I dress, I had to unlearn this behavior and learn to pay attention to fit, color combinations, patterns, and various other things. In order to get the sale, the information has to be calibrated towards the type of customer.
Presenting the Information
There is no denying that many men live very dull and boring lives and while this may be a barrier towards coming up with the “chick crack” that is necessary to hit the best emotional states in an interaction, yet it does not entirely prevent it. It does however, require the understanding of, and application of marketing techniques to create the correct frame. Framing the information in a way that piques curiosity, hits emotional, self-exploration and self-actualization buttons is optimal, as it creates a state in the woman where she will try to learn how she can attain a better knowledge of self, have new emotional experiences and thus have it contribute to her self-actualization as a woman.
Furthermore, highly technical and accurate descriptions should be avoided because they are often boring, only have much meaning within the sphere of employment, are “Epiphany phase bait”, and leave little room for the other person to participate unless they have technical knowledge within that field. This is exemplified in Beta presentations where the question “So what do you do” is often answered according to the model “I’m a [Insert job title] at [Insert company name], doing [short description of tasks]” to which most people can only really ask a question about how that is, out of politeness.
When communicating information about yourself to a woman, it should be the exact opposite of a resume. A resume should be clear, without gaps, without ambiguity, utilizing the correct terminology, with little (if any emotion) and ensure the most efficient transfer of information possible from sender to receiver.
“I spent 2 weeks in China, 1 week in Beijing the other in Hong Kong, then 3 weeks in Tokyo, another week in Manila, and ended up in Saigon for a month” is the resume style presentation of information and is worse than “When I traveled around Asia for 3 months [insert observation]”. The former communicates everything the person needs to know, the latter creates interest and leaves much room for asking follow up questions. Furthermore, if it is presented in a nonchalant fashion, it gives the impression that what would be a once in a lifetime experience for others is fairly common for you.
This goes back to part one of this essay, try to identify which type of customer you’re dealing with, tailor the information to fit your cold-read, and present it in a way that is attractive to the potential customer. Some customers like facts listed out on a product sheet, some prefer television commercials, and some want to be taken on an emotional journey. Most women are the last one, and most Betas communicate as the first one. A Beta man gives a woman his resume, his bank statement and tax returns, yet this is not the information she prefers or that excites her.
Summary and Conclusions
The male mode of communication is focused on sharing knowledge, techniques and fixing problems. It is very much centered on the “facts about things” mode of communication, where two or more men attempt to solve a problem through mutual sharing of information with as little emotional baggage as possible. For illustrative purposes, a research paper in a STEM field is this male mode of communication in the most pure form. Almost purely factual, no emotion involved, every fact is supported by citations, and any form of ambiguity is removed.
The female mode of communication is focused on emotional experiences, self-exploration and self-actualization. It is very much centered on the “Emotional reaction to events or things“, where two or more women attempt to share and communicate not only the fact or event, but the context and emotional reaction to those events or things. Roosh refers to this as “rambling”, which comes from the observation that two women can talk about something for an hour without any meaningful information (judged from the male perspective) being conveyed.
I used to work in tech support during college, and an observation among the staff was that a woman with a tech problem could take 10 – 20 minutes to explain a simple problem, without even mentioning what the problem was. She would explain how her day had been and what her emotional state was before, during and after the problem, the context of the problem, and why the problem was upsetting to her. On the other hand the male tech support report usually consisted of “The damn thing doesn’t work“.
At this point, you should see how the male form of communication is the antithesis to the female mode of communication. Females crave emotional triggers, they relish exploring themselves and are always looking to actualize themselves as “better women”, defined as more emotionally realized women. However more importantly, when attempting to sell yourself in the sexual market place, the information about the product being shared must be the type of information that the customer views as salient, and presented in a manner that appeals to the customer.
Another way of putting this, the male mode of communication is centered on logos, to the exclusion of ethos and pathos, whereas women are scarcely interested in, or capable of appreciating logos, but are suckers for ethos and pathos.