One of the first essays I ever wrote on the sexual market place was concerning risk management. I elected to write that early on because there are many pitfalls a man can find himself in when he’s just getting started. Despite what one would expect, the probability of a high visibility, successful cad finding himself the victim of a BPD girl, an ooops pregnancy or getting oneitis is fairly low, while the odds of a recently recovered blue pill man doing so are much higher. This is very similar to how a person who has been rich for a long time, perhaps all their life is used to gold diggers, scammers and charlatans trying to get money out of them, and in most cases their family will have trained them to see through such scams. The person who just won the lottery does not have this training, and thus becomes an easy victim.
The man who is still in blue pill recovery can be a very easy victim for a woman with questionable intent, which usually means that she is in her epiphany phase or even post-wall and is on the prowl for Beta Bucks to lock down. A man who has started to slowly improve through the red pill, will find himself facing down many types of risk, but the greatest one in my estimation is that presented by oneitis. Many men come to game and the red pill looking for a cheat-code to “get her back” or “just get that one girl“, and if or when they accomplish this goal they promptly stop being the man who got her and go back to being the man who could have never gotten her. I’ll be frank and say that this is the male version of a woman who loses 100 lbs, gets plastic surgery, locks down a husband and then proceeds to put on all the weight again.
In this sense, a lot of men see the red pill and game as a diet, it is something that they are on temporarily to accomplish an objective and once they reach this goal they go back to their old lifestyle. The problem with this is that “old you’s” life is the sum of “old you’s” habits, “new you’s” life is the sum of “new you’s” habits. You cannot have “new you’s” life with “old you’s” habits, it just doesn’t work that way. This is perhaps the biggest risk men face in the sexual market place, that of their own comfort and complacency. The fact of the matter is that being a high value man is like being the top guy in any field, if you screw up or get lazy there are thousands of men with a hunger burning them alive ready to take your spot.
Risk can come from many sources that I go through in details in that essay and in the expanded version featured in Gendernomics, but an easy shorthand way of remembering risk is that it is an uncertainty which can negatively affect your desired outcome. In the previous essay and in Gendernomics I outlined many of the risks that exist externally to the man, such as risk of false allegations, “ooops pregnancies“, STDs, and the legal system. However, in the past 2 – 3 years of observations, I find that most of the time the major risk presented to a man’s goals come from his own mind.
A woman can just go about her daily life, sooner or later a man will approach her and odds are she will have an opportunity to reproduce. A man who goes about his daily life and never approaches a woman, will never have an opportunity to reproduce. The male version requires an active act on the part of the man.
The fact of the matter is that complacency and comfort alone will unceremoniously weed a man’s genetics out of the human species. A re-frame on rejection is that a man who goes out one day and opens 20 women may end up being rejected by 20 women that day. If we take a man who is highly competent in day game, he might get 10 numbers from 20 approaches, out of those 5 women respond to his texts, out of those 2 agree to meet up, and out of those 2, he is able to close 1. That man was rejected by 19 women. However a woman who dresses to the nines, puts on make-up, and deliberately goes out wanting men to approach her, may be rejected by every single guy who notices her that day. A woman who did not do anything special, just went out in a t-shirt and jeans, may be rejected by every guy as well. Women can only influence the probability of being approached. From this perspective, women face rejection whether they put themselves out there or not, a man has to actively put himself out there to be rejected.
The upside for women is that it takes a hell of a lot more work on their parts to be eliminated from the gene pool, they have to actively take steps to make themselves completely undesirable in every way, and even then odds are that some guy will sleep with them. For men, merely doing nothing presents a risk of being eliminated from the gene pool. The upside for men is that we are in control of our own destiny, it just requires effort on our end. Being female is the low-risk low-reward approach to sexual reproduction, being male is the high-risk, high-reward approach to sexual reproduction.
A recent short tangent on the Red Man Group was some commentary on how labor intensive day game is, and quite frankly most forms of game are somewhat labor intensive. To populate, initiate, escalate, close and create enduring relationships takes time, and effort on the part of the man. Which part takes the most time and effort depends on the man, but I understand why some men would prefer a different model than this. When you add in that every positive change you make will take some time and effort, the red pill lifestyle is not one with a lot of downtime. Many men become Average Blue Pill Dudes because they are very comfort oriented, they would like a lifestyle that consists of go to work, come home to your wife and kids, relax in front of the TV for a couple of hours, have a few beers, go to sleep and then repeat. This is a lifestyle very different from one where you actively have goals and plans for each aspect of your life.
The Red Pill lifestyle is not a low risk, low effort lifestyle, in many ways it means embracing various risks. If we take sex in particular, the attraction many men feel for monogamy is that they will not have to face rejection, they do not have to put themselves out there, they can perhaps put less effort into their lifestyle, and just “enjoy” the life they have. It feels “low risk” because unlike the red pill lifestyle where you risk dry spells and slumps, many men expect that once they have given a woman the position as the monopoly supplier of sex in their life, they will have a regular supply available to them. However, men still face rejection within their marriage, when your wife has had a headache for 3 years running, suddenly remembers that she has to wash her hair every time you sit down next to her or tells you “the kids might hear us” this is the sound of you being rejected.
The fact of the matter is that before you ever make an approach you have to put in a lot of effort. This was what I sought to illustrate with my March Madness bracket, before you even register on a woman’s radar, by passing her hurdle rate, you have to build a certain level of sexual market value. Building that sexual market value can be easy, if you are in a decent spot to begin with or can be a mission that will take years.
Summary and Conclusions
I usually say that I don’t write prescriptive essays, but I do make general recommendations. Usually what this translates into is that I’ll recommend certain lifestyle changes that I view as having little to no downside and a significant upside. This includes dressing well, other than some extra money spent on clothing, there is really no downside to dressing better, and the upside is noticeable. I also recommend lifting weights, sure you may injure yourself in the gym, but the upside in both health and appearance are much greater than such risk. I also tend to recommend some forms of low-impact cardio, because not getting winded going up a flight of stairs is a useful thing. Eating less crap, getting enough water and sufficient sleep are also common recommendations I’ve made, this will improve your health, your energy levels and have very little downside, at worst it means you get 2 – 3 hours less to waste on watching Netflix. I would also point out that having a grasp of basic personal finance is a good thing, so is knowing game.
The reason why I tend to go for recommendations of this nature is that they have very little downside. Yes, it will take some extra time out of your day, but the upside dwarfs that single downside. I generally take the approach that I won’t tell a man to do something I wouldn’t myself, and I won’t recommend anything that I perceive as having higher risk of failure than success. This comes from taking the same stance on recommendations as a medical doctor would to medicine, first do no harm.
However, another reason that I’m hesitant of prescriptions is that very few people will follow through completely with what you prescribe. I’m sure thousands, tens of thousands or perhaps even hundreds of thousands of men have gone out and done 1 set of day game approaches, club approaches or something like that, I have no idea what the drop off rate is but I’m guessing over 50%. I’m sure millions of men have been at the gym once or twice to get a better physique, how many of them have stuck with it for the years it takes to build that physique? The drop of rate in any endeavor is huge, people quit because it’s too hard, it takes too long, their motivation slips, they are sick of being uncomfortable and they gravitate back to their old habits.
This is why I find it useful to stick with prescriptions where the downside of people not following through is having some extra clothes, a few months left to pay on a gym membership they never use or 3 months where their financial life was not in disarray. Most people will over time do what is easy, comfortable, and requires the least effort, this is the appeal of the blue pill. It’s a bit like communism, support the blue pill and you will be fed, clothed, have shelter and get laid, it may be gruel, a burlap sack, a cardboard box and a 350 lb woman with 7 kids by 9 different men and BPD, but you’ll get yours.
The Red Pill means specifically doing a lot of things that are uncomfortable, punishing, takes you well outside your comfort zone and exposes you to things many would never want to see on a consistent, long-term basis for a chance at realizing a better outcome for yourself. To paraphrase Donovan’s intro, The Red Pill is HARD, that’s why it works.