The Male Epiphany Phase

One of my blessings, or curses depending on perspective is that I’m pretty good with recognizing patterns. This is one of the reasons why I get so much enjoyment out of watching the change that takes place in a woman’s social media profile from the age of 20 up until she turns 35. While this pattern was fairly obvious even before social media, never before have we been able to watch the sexual market graph develop on a daily basis, complete with illustrations. I find it very interesting how a woman’s social media profile up until about 28 is largely composed of drinking, travel, parties and thirstbait, then suddenly one day it starts with a meme about where all the good men are. Slowly over the next few years, body shots are replaced with glasses of red wine and 3 course meals, the cleavage becomes church appropriate, cats start to frequent more often, and the travel pictures are replaced with “professional” photos. This is hardly a surprise to red pill men as the transition between the party years and the wall has been documented quite well especially on The Rational Male in the by now infamous “SMV Graph”, however for the Beta in Waiting it’s his ship finally coming in.

The reason it’s called the epiphany phase, is because this is the time in a woman’s life when she realizes that her sexual market value is not on an eternal growth path into the high heavens, but instead has been in steady decline for a few years, perhaps even 5 or 6 years. She suddenly comes to the jarring realization that she is struggling to compete with “younger, hotter, tighter”, and the men she could have easily had only a few years ago are not showing the same level of interest. Thus, she changes her market strategy to appeal to “The Good Men“, those men of whom she said “You will make a great husband”, “Why are you single” and “You are such a great friend“. Those men, who while she was busy doing body shots, partying and enjoying her sexual self-discovery, got a degree, a professional job and built a capacity to provide. This is how the transition starts.

Her desire for men who are exiting, confident, aloof, impulsive, aggressive, dominant, direct and disagreeable, remain her preference for short trysts however for the first time in her life the men who are stable, relaxed, a bit more neurotic, attentive, predictable, laid back, cooperative, indirect and agreeable become visible to her. Men who can provide for her long term well-being through stable incomes, personalities and preferences.  Those men, whom to her younger self would have scarcely made a blip on her radar suddenly send up warning lights and sirens, she finds herself drawn to them.

We call this “The Epiphany Phase” in women ,and while I largely reject the idea that “For every female inter/intrasexual dynamic there has to be a male direct equivalent“, I notice a similar pattern in many men, perhaps even one that is exacerbated in red pill men and pick-up artists, where by the time they hit their 30s and 40s, they develop a disdain for their previous lifestyle, often adopt religion and seek to transition from playboy to patriarch. They become disillusioned by what they regard as a vapid, hedonistic, self-gratifying lifestyle and start to seek something more. Funnily enough this seems to lead to them, growing huge-ass beards, developing a fascination with metaphysics, spirituality and using the word “virtue” a lot. This is often followed by the idealization of bygone ages, of when men were men, women were women and children were seen not heard.


I once knew a man who knew at age 5 that he was going to be an engineer, by the time I got to know him, he was in his early teens, highly conscientious, capable and competent in all things STEM, he also went on to be an engineer, an excellent one as a matter of fact. What made him great compared to most of his peers was that while they vacillated in their mission, perhaps used most of their teens to find it, by they time they had found it, he had a 10 year head start because being an engineer was his passion in life, his one and only mission. He still to my knowledge has never had a girlfriend, but he does have an impressive collection of cars and hobby equipment.

Men find the red pill at different starting points, young men, old men, rich men, poor men, fat men, thin men, and everything in between. Men who find game early in their twenties or perhaps even late in their teens will often have more sexual experience and knowledge of women by the time they hit their mid-twenties, as men in their twenties often do they will act on their impulses and their baser ID often paying little heed to finding something more than themselves. Odds are that after 4 years of running circles around his peers in high school from knowing game, 4 years running circles around his peers in college, and another 2 – 4 years running circles around various “normal dudes” in the big leagues, it all becomes somewhat monotonous for him. Your first time using game is nerve-wracking, you imagine all the things that could go wrong, you’re worried about escalating physically, you’re nervous about going for the kiss, you have sweaty palms, your mouth dries up and you have no idea what to say next. By the time you get to your 30th, 40th and 50th date after employing game, all that goes away.

It’s one of those strange things about human beings, what is freely available to us we do not value at all. It’s one of the reasons why communism doesn’t work, because that which is free is by definition worthless. In addition, we must keep in mind that the excitement is no longer there, it all becomes a bit of a blur. When I sent out a tweet stating that I don’t really get why men are against scripted game, because over time all game becomes scripted, it was easy to tell in the responses which men had very little experience and which men were quite experienced, because as you practice game, you also streamline game. To start with you may have 10 DHV stories, then as you practice you start to notice that 3 of them work much better than the rest, so you start always using those 3. You start to notice that some openers, negs, false time constraints, conversational topics and so on are more effective than others, so you use them more and discard others that are less effective. You may notice that 3 DHV stories work really well with 1 type of girl, and others with another type of girl, so you create a schema of sorts depending on the girl and the context.

This streamlines your game, but it also makes each individual interaction less memorable, less exiting, and like a conveyor-belt of interactions. If a man found game at 18 – 20, has practiced it for close to a decade and has everything down to the point where you could air-drop him into a new city, just about anywhere in the world and he would have his sexual needs covered within a week, then this no longer excites him in the same way it used to, he has experienced it all before.  He starts to long after something which he has not experienced and for men used to feeding from a sexual cornucopia this is the blue pill illusion of The One. Sex, dating, approaches have lost their luster, he reasons that this is because it was meaningless and that a meaningful relationship with The One will make sex great again.

However, as part of his realization he determines that he has to change as well. After all, if what lead to his sexual success with all the “low quality women” was his past personae, he cannot hope for this personae to work on a “High Quality Woman“, thus he has to renounce his past as a playboy and embrace the role of patriarch. Much like the woman who suddenly develop a strong passion for the Christ during her epiphany/post-wall phase in order to better cast herself as the hopeful housewife, so the Previous Playboy dives deep under the water and is baptized into patriarchy. He discards his old personae, develops a new one that is more congruent with the man he wants to become, and dresses himself in new clothes.


An interesting thing about the transition phases is that they oddly seem to line up with the normal age of marriage, the woman at the tail-end of her high value phase, and the man at the cusp of his high value phase. There is very little difference between the age when women seek to rope in a beta, and the age in which pick-up artists and former playboys start to see their lives as empty provided that they found game in their early twenties. The man who finds game in his late twenties or thirties, perhaps even later as a result of a divorce, or similar situation in his life, does not seem to develop in this same way, he does not feel the same urge for the transition phase, it seems to be a trait among men who discovered the pill while they were young and swallowed enough of it to gain benefits, but then throw it back up. I’ve also observed, men in their twenties who skip their “PUA/Game” phase and go directly for the patriarch phase as a way to avoid the performance burden that being successful at game represents.

What I find the most interesting about these phases are the subtle differences between how men and women approach the the transitions. For the women it’s largely a marketing ploy, they start dressing modestly in public, overhaul their social media profiles and start attending church.  If you were unaware of her previous history, and saw her as she is now, you would be in shock that she hasn’t found a partner yet, because her life is composed of church, volunteering, cooking, arts & crafts, reading, and building a comfortable home. Her entire life appears built from girlfriend material. You may see the odd hint at times, if you know what to look for, the tattoo that seems strangely out of character, that despite telling you she only had 3 boyfriends the name of a 4th and 5th man slips out in conversation, the fact that she has very little shyness around sex despite making you wait for 5 dates. The fact that she always responds quickly and attentively to texts except a time or two in a month where she was strangely unavailable. The woman hasn’t discarded her alpha fucks strategy, and will still take advantage when they can, making sure to keep it private while decrying “horrible man-boys who just don’t want to grow up and become REAL MEN“.

The men on the other hand often seem to overhaul their entire production line, they’ll swear off spinning plates, going to clubs, start learning how to run a homestead in Northern Montana, can their own vegetables and switch out the suits for flannels. They will become obsessed with virtue, the community and decry those who seek to live the lifestyle they themselves lived for so long as hedonists, degenerates and virtue-less swine. They may swear off women for a time being, or more likely promote a plate to a girlfriend, move in together, and adopt what from the outside looks like a very traditional relationship with very traditional gender roles. The man will swear off using game, push the red pill knowledge to the back of their mind, and instead focus on reading ancient philosophers, metaphysics and spirituality.

It is for this reason that I’ve used the phrase “Men change, women change their marketing“.

For the woman the change is superficial, she will adopt the trappings of her new personae as a “Good, quality woman“, but there is a little fundamental change in her underlying firmware. The change is not a lasting, deeply felt change but rather a change in market strategy. The woman always ran on hypergamy, with a focus towards Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks, however she has come to realize that she cannot compete as well for Alpha Fucks anymore, so she alters her strategy to appeal to the growing beta market instead. This is very similar to how a brand that fails to position itself as intended will shift to take advantage of new markets.

For the man however, the change appears more deeply felt. He will discard his mission and adopt a new mission, and rework his entire life to support his new goal. This is a bit like what happens to a man who takes the Red Pill, many times they will start to revamp every area of their life in order to become a higher value man. His mission in life changed and with it his values. It is a “throw the baby out with the bathwater” approach that by large ensures that the strategy will fail, because while the man has adopted a new performance burden, he has also discarded game and intersexual dynamics, which ensures that it is only a matter of time before his newfound soul-mate starts feeling that perhaps the grass is greener on another homestead.

Summary and Conclusions

I’ve spent quite a lot of time thinking about the male epiphany phase, for the reason that it’s something I’ve both experienced myself and that I’ve observed many other men go through. One of those things I’ve noticed is that while the female change is quite self-centered in nature, meaning that it is driven by the decline of female sexual market value over time, and is a response to ensure that the woman’s needs are met. Thus, from a Freudian perspective, I would argue a woman’s change as one from primarily being driven by the ID to primarily being driven by the ego. Meaning that the woman changes from pursuing those men who give her tingles, start to pursue those men who qualify based on the 487 bullet-point list.

The male change is encapsulated in the term “Virtue and Duty“, therefore to utilize the same Freudian construct, I would argue it is represented by a shift from a man primarily being driven by ID to being driven by the super-ego. I would argue that this is supported by the adoption of the man of virtue language deeply rooted in social convention, morals and a sense of duty. However, what prompts this change? One can understand the men who have been pursuing beta mating strategies for their entire lives, but they are not the ones who experience this transition, those who do are largely those men who have been successful with alpha mating strategies over a period of time. Men who find the red pill later in life, usually in their late 20s or thirties, also tend to be somewhat immune to this side-effect, often due to having been married, or having pursued beta strategies over many years with very variable fortune.

One thing that I haven’t been able to figure out is whether the Unicorn is the chicken or the egg.

A note:

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I’ve also had some requests for consults, which I’ve declined up until now, but due to demand I’ve chosen to open up for doing some consults on request. For details please check out my Consulting and Patreon Page

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15 comments on “The Male Epiphany Phase

  1. Ryan says:

    Excellent article. I’ve seen this happen personally too:

    I know this guy and his notch count is easily in the hundreds from all of the stories he has told me and can’t believe he is promoting some of the stuff he is now with regards to sex. Also some of my friends who were much more successful with women that I was when I was younger are pondering marriage/kids and renouncing there old habits.

    As for me, I got a PhD in chemistry at 28, found game at 30 and didn’t lose my virginity until I was 31. I think what some of these “Reformed Players” are saying is ridiculous. I’m getting 10-12 tinder dates a month now and sleeping with at least one new girl a month. LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rebel Yells says:

    Carl, great post on a topic no one else has covered. Well thought out. In my mind, this is Roosh V. I struggle with his posts these days as for all his game he seems so unhappy in the end. He talks of marriage and finding a “good woman”. Now, he has left Poland because he can only find easy sex there and not a woman to settle down with…he’s even been seen in flannel. I never thought of a male epiphany but it makes perfect sense. I have seen it in some others like George Clooney and Brad Pitt, ex-rockers and sports stars. Mystery also comes to mind. You nailed it with this piece!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you. I think it’s a topic well worth covering because so many men end up like Cypher in the Matrix, they do not just want to leave red pill knowledge behind, they want to erase it from existence, because it reminds them of the person they are trying to leave behind.

      The thing is, from my perspective the red pill is not antithetical to a long-term relationship, in fact it’s almost required for it, however it does require that the man recalibrate to some extent and it requires that he is open to settling down because he wants to, not because he feels he should.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. rugby11 says:

    Tune in live


  4. rugby11 says:

    “The male change is encapsulated in the term “Virtue and Duty“, therefore to utilize the same Freudian construct, I would argue it is represented by a shift from a man primarily being driven by ID to being driven by the super-ego. I would argue that this is supported by the adoption of the man of virtue language deeply rooted in social convention, morals and a sense of duty. However, what prompts this change? One can understand the men who have been pursuing beta mating strategies for their entire lives, but they are not the ones who experience this transition, those who do are largely those men who have been successful with alpha mating strategies over a period of time. Men who find the red pill later in life, usually in their late 20s or thirties, also tend to be somewhat immune to this side-effect, often due to having been married, or having pursued beta strategies over many years with very variable fortune.”

    Does this mean in a sense the younger you get access to the fundamentals of Game the more the change with age will impact you? I became game aware in my late 20’s and can see this transition in myself.


    • Yes, I think of it as entering a market during a boom, and staying in that boom for your first 10 years or so in the market, vs. entering during a bear market then going into a bull market. A guy who did “beta game” for years, will know that it doesn’t work, a guy who rarely if ever did, will think that “Alpha with a side of beta is the Apex of game” blue pill goals through red pill means.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Veneno1 says:

    This was spot on. I have two friends who are brothers, always very alpha. But now I see their BP conditioning coming to light as in their late 20’s their now settling down, getting married etc. Where as my 19 months of red pill have pushed me down a narrow path of counting macros, regular workouts and ambitious self-actualization goals. I geuss they are tired of pussy. For me the main thing that keeps me drawn to TRP is the fact that I no longer want to be societies doormat.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. John South says:

    Great stuff and very relevant to me and my life right now except I have no religion nor does my desire to be in a LTR come from a place of morality. My only hangup that I wonder if it’s worth the gamble: children. I suppose it’s only natural or maybe it is my actual conscious desire, either way I want progeny. I do want that homestead but I’ve wanted it since I was a child. When I was just having sex with random women I still wanted a modest home on more land with more game to hunt, the only difference as of this moment is I have a woman who cleans my home, cooks and helps in a few other ways and provides companionship/entertainment. She has good genetics and I’d love to make a few kids with her. I know that desire must be mostly subconscious but it’s there non the less. Any thoughts on that?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Water Cannon Boy says:

    You might find some correlations to what you call male epiphany phase in some differences in how men map out their social lives, or map out their leisure time.
    As you said, men who find red pill later in life seem immune to the pushing back on the red pill. The ones who do you may find typically the social lives and all their red pill uses are centered around your typical night club/bar life. And as they get older, even with men aging better than women, there’s no getting around that the night club scene is always going to be a younger demographic. And at some point, no matter how red pilled he is, he’s going to be seen as out of place. Too old for the night club scene.
    So they adjust their mindset and views on red pill based on what they’ve always done. Or, they’ve built a comfort zone in the night clubbing and implementing of red pill, but they get some anxiety out of aging out of it.
    The ones who find red pill later in life however, they were probably never ones to go the typical night club route, or at least very infrequently, so when they find the red pill, their views on the way most men go about using what they’ve learned are different. I’m sure it’s greatly affected just by being older, but to find the red pill later in life, i think there’s going to be a different view that you’re going to have about what you can do with it. Staying with the night club thing, the older guy who becomes alpha, finds the red pill late, looks at the routine of going to bars that younger alphas do, and realizes that he never was missing anything.
    I’m trying to flesh this out as thoughts are coming to me, but I guess I could say that many times younger red pill alphas can have a short sighted view of the application of red pill that would lend them to have this male epiphany you described. Where men who find red pill later, have a broader view of it where they end up incorporating it into their lives in a more useful way. More self actualized is the only term I can think of right now. Hope this makes sense.


  8. M says:

    Great post.


  9. Nick says:

    Any good sources on popular metaphysics that you’re interested in or that have shifted your perspective?


  10. Jonathan Vegas says:

    I went directly to you’re page after you talk about this subject on RMG. Not sure what else to do since I feel that Im heading in the direction of this topic. You are the most amusing person to listen to on the group. Thanks for you’re work.


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