Ever since I got into game many years ago, I’ve been told that “Game” is manipulating women to have sex with you. When I looked up the term “manipulate” I found two definitions that are both applicable to this context:
- control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly or unscrupulously.
- handle or control (a tool, mechanism, information, etc.) in a skilful manner.
The former is clearly what the critics of game are referring to with their accusation, and I can understand their perspective. After all Game is a collection of tools that allow men to become more successful in the sexual sphere and in relationships, thus one could easily argue that a man who employs game is not being his genuine self, he is using a framework in order to be a better version of himself or a different person all together.
This was one of my major criticisms of the highly scripted game models that were in vogue in the early 2000s until about 2010, that were based on accurate and detailed models of what to do, what to say and how to behave. In this context game is manipulation, if we look into the morality of utilizing game, I suppose that one could argue that it could fail the test of the categorical imperative, it could also fail in terms of social rules that tend to be anti-manipulation, however the funnier thing here is that we all constantly manipulate each other subconsciously. Much of what constitutes the field of “Leadership” in modern business is a string of tactics that permit the manipulation of employees with carrots and sticks.
Then one moves into consequence ethics which is perhaps the most interesting area and where the shades of grey become very clear. If we take the Married Red Pill subreddit for instance, it is a collection of men attempting to help other men salvage and improve their long-term relationships. If this helps in making both the women and the men happy, is that not a good thing? On the other hand if a man utilizes game to sleep with hundreds of women without any intent beyond the sex, one could argue that this is a bad thing. However, from my perspective as long as the women enjoyed themselves, the men enjoyed themselves, both parties got something good out of it. This is also where I think “Leave her better than you found her” is accurate, when you take a girl home, out on a date or wherever, make sure she gets a good experience.
I hope you can see by now why I tend to shy away from arguments based in morality when it comes to game, namely because it is very easy to get trapped in a quagmire of differing moral perspectives, rules and judgments without making any real progress or even coming closer to an answer. Morality is great fun in discussions, but rarely leads to rapid, sustainable progress.
I can also understand why women take offense to game, there are two primary reasons that come to mind:
- If game works in a reliable, predictable way, then it follows that women are not the complex, intuitive, snowflakes that they like to view themselves as.
- If game works, that takes away a woman’s self-perceived right to be the arbitrator of both who gets sex and who gets a relationships.
The latter is the most interesting thing from from my perspective, in that in an ideal world women would like to know every single thing about every single guy that they sleep with. There is little more repugnant to women that a guy who “doesn’t get it” can be perceived by her as a guy who “just gets it“, and thus slips one past the goalie.
In this sense, game is bad because it allows men who aren’t the high value guys she wants, to appear as if they are. Perception is rarely reality and thus the consequence is that she will potentially be saddled with the offspring of a guy who isn’t a good hypergamous bet for her.
So what is my view?
In an ideal world, game and The Red Pill should not need to exist. Likewise, in an ideal world men in their 30s and 40s wouldn’t need a Jordan B. Peterson to tell them to stand up straight, clean their room, wash their penis, tuck in their shirt, pull up their pants and get the fuck off his lawn.
In a normal world, men should learn game from their friends, their male family members and it should be a part of the socialization process. In the same way that we learn things like “Say please and thank you“, that we should keep our pants on in public and how it’s completely unacceptable to punch someone in the face. We should learn how to interact with women, how to build tension, attraction, and how to be a solid man.
The first rule is: Be attractive
The second rule is: Don’t be unattractive
However, most men today have not been told how to be attractive and how not to be unattractive, they are raised in front of computer monitors, with few if any competent brothers, uncles, or other male family members. Most of the time the men who find the red pill and game, including myself are men who did not learn this when they were teenagers as they should have.
The teenage years is the time when boys and girls learn how to interact with each other. So, when a boy is told “be nice to her to get her to like you” he interprets this as “never do anything that has the potential to upset her“, so he doesn’t tease her, never breaks rapport, never touches her without explicit consent, waits for IOIs to be sure that he isn’t intruding and that his approach is desired.
When a boy is told “Buy her a drink“, what he hears is “demonstrate that you are a good provider” so he plans a 17 step first date that costs $8000 and then is shocked when she is a bit put off that he would invest so much in a person he doesn’t even know.
Perhaps most importantly when a boy have been told all these things, have tried them out many times, with little if any success, and then observes “Chad” with the neck-tat, pull a girl off the dance floor, and proceed to bang her in the bathroom, this fuels resentment. After all Chad hasn’t paid his dues with dinners, flowers, movies, and being nice. He just pulled her off the dance floor and showed his tongue down her throat. As it goes, he sees Chad do this over and over again, he might just check out from the SMP, he may develop resentment towards both Chad and the women who prefer being banged out by Chad over wooed by a traditional gentleman such as himself, and he may end up doing something very stupid.
In a way, our current social order are setting men up to fail, because young men are not being socialized to interact with women in a natural way, look at how boys and girls around ages 4 – 10 play with each other. Most young boys are “Alpha” by default, they pull the girl’s hair, teases them, accuse them of having cooties, randomly walk away when something more interesting happens, and so on. However, once a boy hits puberty or thereabout, we set about beating their natural alphaness out of them in favor of making them “upstanding, good young men who will become productive citizens“.
Thus, the ironic turn of events is that the final test of a young man’s alpha is whether he maintains his frame as teachers, parents, and other adults try to beat the alpha out of him. If they succeed you become beta, if they fail you become sexually successful.
Therefore, in a sense what I view the role of game and the red pill as, is not as a way of turning men into something they are not, I view it as reverting them to what they were supposed to be before society broke them.