Of Illusions and Individuality

On the tail end of my recent trip, in a blur of dates, hook-ups and matches, I found myself reading a post by Kyle Trouble [1] that gave me some pause. I especially enjoyed this reflection:

“Once you become educated in the way of women, it’s natural to become a bit jaded. Over time, this passes, as I’ve discussed—you must let go. If you don’t, you’ll just end up a miserable old hack.

But learning the true nature of how male and female dynamics works does something else. You can get the women you always lusted and desired for. You can have sex with them, and you can even keep them around in a happy and fulfilling relationship. But it all comes with a trade off. Things will be different than the fantasy world that you grew up in.” [1] 

The reason behind it is quite simple, Kyle hit on something that I’ve thought a lot about, especially in periods of my life when I run very active game. One of the habits I developed early was to keep rather comprehensive notes during these periods, not only to keep track of the different girls, but also because I think they are very valuable as a tool to help me improve my game. If something blows up in my face, I can go back and review, see where I went wrong and then take steps to avoid that happening again.

Let’s be fair, you can over-game, under-game, over-comfort, under-comfort, be too entertaining, not entertaining enough, too sexual or too non-sexual, horny instead of sexual and many other things. Most of these are dials that have to be adjusted based on the girl, the context, the culture and many other things. If one of my stories, or a sequence of my anecdotes is more effective at achieving my goal, I want to be able to put that into a pattern, to increase my efficiency.

So, I like my notes for this reason, they are my impressions shortly after the meeting, significant moments are recorded and I can go back, look at the variables, make my adjustments and improve. This makes me more efficient and gets me more results, however it also removes some of the organic, natural parts of the interaction. It’s a bit like playing Starcraft for fun vs. Starcraft as a pro gamer, sure the pro gamer is better at the game, but it’s all automated, there are few if any surprises in it. However, sometimes you get hit with a surprise.

What Kyle touched on, but didn’t make explicit was the trade-off between two sets of things, set 1 are the principles that make up Red Pill theory, hypergamy, solipsism, AF/BF, communication differences, the adventure bubble, escalation and such things. The second set are the dynamic variables that to some extent are both objective and subjective. These are shared among all girls, but the dials are set to varying levels, a good example would be the ovulatory shift, a girl who is in her proliferative phase can be escalated faster than a girl who is not. If she’s also got 3 drinks in her, has been without sex for a month, is in a foreign country and is under 25, she can be escalated even faster.

Starcraft has rules, and an optimal strategy, the Red Pill has principles and heuristics.

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Reality Testing

One of the most interesting things about the seduction community and the red pill is the development of the methodologies and theory. Unlike most research projects where strictly controlled conditions and smaller samples are often used for exploratory theory, the red pill took the form of a decentralized grounded theory project. What this means in practice is that a very large group of motivated men, got together, developed theories and then field tested these theories. Over time this built a theoretical framework that outlined many of the major concepts that are now considered foundation material:

  • Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks 
  • AWALT 
  • Hypergamy 
  • Solipsism 
  • The War-bride dynamic
  • Cocky & Funny 
  • Ovulatory shift

Field-testing thus serves a very important role within this community, in that the field reports from hundreds if not thousands of men who have attempted to implement the theory into their life both helps give confirmation, but also gives feedback on new concepts that need to be developed. For instance, the reason why Style’s “Who lies more, men or women?” opener became the most used opener back in the told PUA days was that not only did it work for Style, it also worked for thousands of other men. It worked so well, that it actually became a casualty of its own success, because it became so well known even among women, that by using it, you betrayed the fact that you were one of those “game guys“.

The more accurate a given concept in theory is, the more accepted it becomes in the greater community. The more consistently a man can produce theoretical concepts or verify theoretical concepts, the more central his work becomes to the space. Chateau Heartiste became one of the most influential blogs in this space precisely because of almost unprecedented contribution both theoretical and in terms of field reports.  For a group that has no real gatekeeping mechanism like for instance science does, this combination of contribution over time, verification of theories, and field reports are the only gate that exists.

In academia, gatekeeping takes the form of degree requirements in order to ensure familiarity with both methodology and the theoretical framework of the field. This is to ensure that people who seek to contribute are familiar with both the research that has been done within the field previously and the methodology for expanding, or challenging that knowledge. My favorite example being when John Forbes Nash, a brilliant mathematician was chided by Einstein for wanting to amend relativity without studying physics. Once one gets past that gate, peer review and replication/verification studies for a second barrier.

Researcher 1 conducts a study, that is then submitted for publication in a journal, in order to qualify for publication it must be peer-reviewed, meaning that other researchers within the field read and critique the study. Then once it has been published, other researchers within the field conduct verification/replication studies to see if they get the same results. If many replication/verification studies are conducted that confirm the findings of the original study, the original study is strengthened.

If we compare this to how it works in The Red Pill community this is similar to how things used to be: Continue reading

Truth and Reality

A couple of weeks ago, I sat down and I wrote a fairly long, intricate essay entitled “What is The Red Pill?“, I was somewhat puzzled that I had to do such thing but I decided to write it out, if for nothing else to make the distinctions and delineations clear in my own mind. To me it was always very clear from the Matrix quote where the metaphor comes from:

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.

The options being, that if you elect to take the blue pill, then you wake up within your illusion, and believe whatever you want about your world. If you take the red pill, you see reality and truth. Of course, this is based on an axiom that there is such a thing as objective reality which which we can measure and interact with to determine truth. Which I tend to think is accurate, because that is the basis for much of people’s lifestyles these days, from the TRT they take to make up for their testicles not producing enough, to the scientific work that had to be done for me to be typing this on a computer, in an air-conditioned room, and being able to talk to the world. We can identify the truth defined as [1]:

The quality or state of being true.

‘he had to accept the truth of her accusation
  1. 1.1 also the truth That which is true or in accordance with fact or reality.
    ‘tell me the truth’
    ‘she found out the truth about him’
  2. 1.2 count noun A fact or belief that is accepted as true.
    ‘the emergence of scientific truths’
    ‘the fundamental truths about mankind’

However, then I got into a debate at a party with a mentor of mine, where I pointed out the distinction between facts as in the natural sciences, meaning the density of materials, the interactions of chemicals under given conditions, biological laws, and the Laws of Nature. As opposed to “facts” as in the social sciences, politics, popular vernacular and journalism, that are not so much facts, but a mixture of data and interpretations in a nice ratatouille of hodgepodge.

His response to me, as he swished some nice Cremant around in his glass, funnily enough was:

[Carl], you have to have an IQ of 125 just to understand that distinction

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Neglecting the Mean

As long time readers will be aware, I tend to view most things in the sexual market place as conforming to the normal distribution. What this means in practice is that tens and ones are extremely scarce, fives and sixes extremely common, and the rest are somewhere in between.  I used this as an example because in this space it’s extremely common to rely on the outliers as both the examples of top and bottom.

Top, the perfect 10 trad girl who is just like your great-grandma, a symbol of femininity, grace and dignity. Bottom the crazy BPD chick with a notch count in the high 4 figures, 8 divorces, 88 false rape accusations running a hedge-fund of child support. The 400 lb dude who lives in his mom’s basement, smokes weed all day, eats nothing but hot-pockets and hasn’t been laid ever. The 19 year old billionaire with 9 girlfriends, who does nothing but jet-setting and driving lambos.

These are hyperbolic examples that draw attention away from the real, and realistic discussions we should spend more of our time on. Instead of talking about how the slightly below average guy can go from 4 to 6, we talk about reaching the apex of perfect Alpha dude. Instead of talking about how the average woman is … average, the only two positions seem to be:

A) All women are goddesses because they smell nice.

B) All women are succubi only out to tear your heart (and wallet) out through your penis.

On some level, awareness of outliers is a good thing, because once in a while, you do come across one in the wild. It could be the 0.1% of crazy, exploitative, or even huge value added, however most people are painfully average. We need to recognize that, and it needs to inform our discourse in this space to a much larger degree than it currently does.

Troy Francis said something akin to “The average guy just wants to not have to go to an office, get laid and have more control of his time. He doesn’t need to drive a lambo and bang models to improve his life.” This is not a quote, but I think my paraphrase is close enough to the sentiment. Continue reading

Red Pill Logic: The Depression Phase

In last week’s essay, I talked about the bargaining phase of the 5 stages of grief, characterized by a desire to negotiate and seek compromise in order to put off or lessen a negative outcome. For instance, bargaining for a little bit more life, or being able to retain some part of your blue pill illusion. This week’s topic is the depression phase that follows the bargaining phase, and often represents the most mentally challenging step to take when going through a red pill awakening.

A man who reaches the depression stage has gone through an anger phase where he is angry at the world for a variety of reasons, He could also have been angry at women for being what they are, rather than what he thinks they ought to be, this is quite common among many men who find the Red Pill. Lastly, he might have had a “shoot the messenger” phase during the anger stage where he displaced his anger at the world, at women at the men who finally told him the truth about inter-sexual dynamics.

After that he went through the bargaining phase, where he tried to find compromises between his previous world-view and his newly found reality, in order to preserve some of his ego-investments, avoid taking the full sunk-cost of his previous resource utilization and to retain some part of his idealized view of mating.

Once he realizes that he cannot bargain to retain some of his previous investments, be they in resources, dreams or desired outcomes, the man begins to experience the depression phase of the Five Stages of Grief. The depression phase being characterized by pulling away, withdrawing from life, wondering if perhaps it is even worth living anymore, or even trying. This is how you know that you’ve hit the depression phase. Continue reading

Red Pill Logic: The Bargaining Phase

A lot has been written about how a man who finds The Red Pill will go through the Kubler-Ross model of grief, also known as “the 5 stages of grief”. I myself have written two essays on the subject, one dealing with the 5 stages in general, and one focused on the anger phase. The interesting thing is that while a lot of energy has been spent talking about the anger phase, very little has been spent on the other 5 stages.

I suspect that the reason for this is that while a great majority of men who find The Red Pill, will either end up in the denial phase or the anger phase, there is much drop-off during the anger phase. To be frank, many men who find the red pill find themselves incapable of moving beyond the anger phase and simply remain there, utilizing a wide range of defense mechanisms to avoid having to deal with the problem.

The most common ones being: Continue reading

The Empathy Key

I was challenged on something a while back, which was the red pill and empathy. I always find empathy to be a questionable topic to engage in because most people have an internal picture of what constitutes empathy, which if we drew up a Venn diagram would overlap greatly with sympathy and compassion but also with less desirable emotions such as pity. This on it’s own is a recipe for getting off to a rocky start, but such discussions are further complicated by the simple fact that when discussion emotions people will tend to be self-referential, thus there are substantial ego-investments that lay the foundation for non-productive discourse.

Empathy is often divided into two subtypes, cognitive empathy and emotional empathy, where the latter is what we often think of when someone mentions empathy. Cognitive empathy is covered as part of theory of mind, which is the ability to cognitively understand and put oneself in the position of another without necessarily being affected by their emotions. Emotional empathy is the ability to feel the emotions of another person, and in a sense mirror them. This is distinct from emotional contagion where one is swept up in the emotions of a mob or another person.

The reason why I draw this distinction is that in my conceptualization of Red Pill Theory and Game, cognitive empathy plays a very central role, in that you have to be able to understand the woman you are interacting with in order to run solid game. Part of the reason why scripted game became so popular, was that it was a crutch for men with poorly developed theory of mind, they didn’t have to understand why a woman reacted like she did, they simply knew what to look for and what puzzle piece to put into place to influence it.

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Hypergamy and Looks

I have a lot of respect for Rollo Tomassi, The Rational Male, for all the criticisms he has levied at him on a day by day basis, there is very little use in attempting to deny the contributions that he’s made to our collective understanding of female sexual selection. However, on some occasions, I find myself wondering if the sheer volume of legendary essays he’s produced over the past decade contribute to the fact that critics and fans alike, fail to understand some of his more salient points. He’s sheer proclivity and productivity can on occasion make it difficult to grasp the salient points.

Very few places is this more obvious than in discussions of hypergamy and looks. Rollo himself authored two great essays on looks that I would recommend for all men the classic “Looks count” and “Have a look” however Rollo also authored many essays on the concept of Hypergamy, which is a fancy word for saying “Women are looking for the best reproductive deal at all times” (I would link various essays by Rollo on Hypergamy but I only have 2k words to write this essay).

Many men seem to read either both sets of essays or merely one and then make their conclusion “Looks do no matter, I’ll get fat, dress like shit and skip my shower” or “Looks are everything, if I was born 5 ft 8 and with red hair I’m fucked”, neither of these are correct.

Just for the sake of proving once and for all that the red pill is not a cult, I will point out that I disagree with Rollo’s quote from “Looks count”

“Your bulletproof Game and charming personality wont make you look any better when your shirt comes off.”

In that in my experience, one my shirt comes off, the girl is already naked and there is no going back. However, this is a digression from the main point of this essay. The way I view it, hypergamy is quantitative, “Does this guy measure up?”, “Does he have enough value to be inside me?”, “Is he tall enough for me to ride him?”.

Looks are qualitative, “Is this my preferred way of scratching my itch?”. On a recent Red Man Group episode Jon from Modern Life Dating explicated this in the statements “OMG that guy has a pink jacket I want him to fuck me right now” vs. “OMG that guy has a fucking pink jacket, he has to be gay”. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that as long as you are high enough SMV, have a strong enough frame, show enough dominance traits and so on, a woman cannot help herself. Women become mesmerized in the presence of high value men. However this is not the case.

Having a high value will grant you more mating opportunities, you get shot down less, you get laid more however you can never hit that 100% hit ratio. If it was merely a qualitative judgment by the women, then it would naturally follow that if you hit high enough value, then all girls would find your irresistible. However, this is a phenomenon in poorly written literotica novels more than a facet of reality.

This is where the qualitative aspect kicks in, some girls like musicians, some girls hate musicians, some girls love men in uniforms, some don’t, and female preference is the difference between a “Hell Yes” girl and a lukewarm prospect. Women do not see men who are lower than them in SMV, a man who is lower than a woman’s self-perceived SMV may as well be invisible. However, women do see men who are at the right SMV level, yet do not quite hit the spot. This is where “He was hot … but …” comes from.

Women have preferences in the same way men have preferences and being “hot enough” is not enough, if the man has a specific preference for a given type of woman. You can be a perfect value for a woman, but not be “her type” and this is the major challenge with developing “bullet-proof” frameworks to help men become successful in the sexual market place.

We can teach you the game, get you lifting, sort out your diet, get rid of those trash shoes and cargo shorts, however we cannot guarantee that the specific look that your particular one-itis is looking for will automatically land you in bed with her.

That’s why I think the Red Pill catch phrase has to be akin to “We cannot get you that girl, but we can get you those girls” because we cannot promise that you will get that one girl you really want, but if you do what we tell you, you will get plenty of other girls for whom you fit their model.

Summary and Conclusions

To summarize in this rather short rant, there are general, quantitative things you can do in order improve your position in the sexual market place. This would be the business equivalent of improving general product quality, service deliverables and so on. Then there are qualitative things that you CAN do in order to improve your results in the sexual market place, which relate to differentiation.

I wear a suit for work every day, some girls love a guy in a suit, some girls view it as the embodiment of male privilege, dominance and surrendering individuality for financial success. You cannot please both 100% of the time, however you can make a cold-read on a girl and estimate which group she falls into. However, if you fake your look for that one date, and she becomes a plate, that requires more work to maintain.

Thus, the point of this rant, is that even if you dial your sexual market value to 11, you cannot get every girl. Women have preferences, just as men do and this is what I think a lot of men are confused about.

“If I can make myself a 10, I’ll have every girl I want!”

No man, if you make yourself a 7 with the right look, you can get certain types of girls, if you maximize your SMV to 10, without a look you become the best toilet paper that doesn’t make a girl’s ass sore.

Red Pill Logic: The 3 Part Stack

**A Note**

First off, I know I haven’t been around much, I have a lot of things going on in my life at the moment, and I’m finding it very challenging to juggle everything. I hope to get back to writing more frequently in the coming months once things start to settle down.

**Note end**

With computers, we can break down the functioning into 3 parts, there is the hardware and firmware, these are the actual physical components of the machine bundled with the basic software that is loaded on them to make them work. Firmware generally consists of permanent software loaded onto read-only memory, and most frequently it’s not changed for the lifetime of the system.

Then there is the operating system, the operating system is a software program loaded onto the machine that makes it easier to work with than typing instructions in machine code into a command line interface. It also manages the computer hardware and the resources available to the machine between various programs.The operating system can be altered, upgraded, changed or even swapped out for another operating system, but doing so can have big consequences in terms of both performance and usability. It also tends to take a bit of time.

Finally, we have the apps, these are smaller programs that we install and run on the operating system in order to accomplish tasks of varying specificity. They can range from simple command line interfaces to entire suites of statistics and analysis software, games, word processors or the likes. These are fairly easy to install or remove, but they have varying learning curves and influences the firmware and operating system in various ways.

Between the 3 areas, there is somewhat of a bidirectional influence, in that the lower layers (firmware and hardware) influence what you can do with  the OS and apps. The firmware limits what you can do with the OS to some degree. They all influence each other, but not to the same degree. Continue reading

Of Fitness and Models

When we get into statistics, a major issue that we deal with is how well a model fits the data. We refer to this as “Goodness of fit” and what it represents is usually a summary of the differences between observed values and expected values. The reason for doing such tests is to gauge how well our model works to explain the observations.

This could be as simple as the relationship between the independent variable (the one which we control or change) and the dependent variable (the one on which the effect of changes in the independent variable is seen), to complex multivariate analyses which attempt to gauge the effect of multiple variables on a single variable.

Models are means to an end, they are the extension of a theory, and work to test how well that theory fits reality. They represent our hypothesis of cause and effect, based on the theory we have formulated about how something works. To give an example, if we wanted to know if there is a relationship between number of repetitions affect hypertrophy, we would formulate 2 hypotheses:

Null-hypothesis – There is no relationship between number of repetitions and muscle hypertrophy

Hypothesis 1 – There is a relationship between number of repetitions and muscle hypertrophy

We would then conduct an experiment where we take a sample, have them perform a given number of repetitions across a period of time at a frequency held constant, and then measure the change between the start of the experiment and the end of the experiment. From this we get an answer of whether the independent variable (number of repetitions) affects the dependent variable (hypertrophy). The results of this experiment could then be validated, replicated and serve as a foundation for future research into hypertrophy.

This research, and future research can then serve to guide us when we are aiming to gain more muscle so that we find the most efficient route between point A and point B. We began with a question “How does number of repetitions affect muscle hypertrophy“, we did our research, formulated a theory and then tested that theory in an experiment, the results of which are utilized to amend our model of reality, which can then be tested again.

This is how most research works, a researcher starts by wanting to answer a question, does research into the question, based on the question a theory is formulated, this theory is tested through observation or experiment, and the results of said experiments are then integrated into the theory.

Our goal when conducting research is to generate mind-independent information, meaning that human minds constantly generate cause and effect hypotheses, then test them against reality. However, we are also prone to many errors of reasoning that lead us to believing in false relationships, a prime example being the superstitions of various athletes or sports-teams.

Continue reading