The Empathy Key

I was challenged on something a while back, which was the red pill and empathy. I always find empathy to be a questionable topic to engage in because most people have an internal picture of what constitutes empathy, which if we drew up a Venn diagram would overlap greatly with sympathy and compassion but also with less desirable emotions such as pity. This on it’s own is a recipe for getting off to a rocky start, but such discussions are further complicated by the simple fact that when discussion emotions people will tend to be self-referential, thus there are substantial ego-investments that lay the foundation for non-productive discourse.

Empathy is often divided into two subtypes, cognitive empathy and emotional empathy, where the latter is what we often think of when someone mentions empathy. Cognitive empathy is covered as part of theory of mind, which is the ability to cognitively understand and put oneself in the position of another without necessarily being affected by their emotions. Emotional empathy is the ability to feel the emotions of another person, and in a sense mirror them. This is distinct from emotional contagion where one is swept up in the emotions of a mob or another person.

The reason why I draw this distinction is that in my conceptualization of Red Pill Theory and Game, cognitive empathy plays a very central role, in that you have to be able to understand the woman you are interacting with in order to run solid game. Part of the reason why scripted game became so popular, was that it was a crutch for men with poorly developed theory of mind, they didn’t have to understand why a woman reacted like she did, they simply knew what to look for and what puzzle piece to put into place to influence it.

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Hypergamy and Looks

I have a lot of respect for Rollo Tomassi, The Rational Male, for all the criticisms he has levied at him on a day by day basis, there is very little use in attempting to deny the contributions that he’s made to our collective understanding of female sexual selection. However, on some occasions, I find myself wondering if the sheer volume of legendary essays he’s produced over the past decade contribute to the fact that critics and fans alike, fail to understand some of his more salient points. He’s sheer proclivity and productivity can on occasion make it difficult to grasp the salient points.

Very few places is this more obvious than in discussions of hypergamy and looks. Rollo himself authored two great essays on looks that I would recommend for all men the classic “Looks count” and “Have a look” however Rollo also authored many essays on the concept of Hypergamy, which is a fancy word for saying “Women are looking for the best reproductive deal at all times” (I would link various essays by Rollo on Hypergamy but I only have 2k words to write this essay).

Many men seem to read either both sets of essays or merely one and then make their conclusion “Looks do no matter, I’ll get fat, dress like shit and skip my shower” or “Looks are everything, if I was born 5 ft 8 and with red hair I’m fucked”, neither of these are correct.

Just for the sake of proving once and for all that the red pill is not a cult, I will point out that I disagree with Rollo’s quote from “Looks count”

“Your bulletproof Game and charming personality wont make you look any better when your shirt comes off.”

In that in my experience, one my shirt comes off, the girl is already naked and there is no going back. However, this is a digression from the main point of this essay. The way I view it, hypergamy is quantitative, “Does this guy measure up?”, “Does he have enough value to be inside me?”, “Is he tall enough for me to ride him?”.

Looks are qualitative, “Is this my preferred way of scratching my itch?”. On a recent Red Man Group episode Jon from Modern Life Dating explicated this in the statements “OMG that guy has a pink jacket I want him to fuck me right now” vs. “OMG that guy has a fucking pink jacket, he has to be gay”. It’s very easy to fall into the trap of thinking that as long as you are high enough SMV, have a strong enough frame, show enough dominance traits and so on, a woman cannot help herself. Women become mesmerized in the presence of high value men. However this is not the case.

Having a high value will grant you more mating opportunities, you get shot down less, you get laid more however you can never hit that 100% hit ratio. If it was merely a qualitative judgment by the women, then it would naturally follow that if you hit high enough value, then all girls would find your irresistible. However, this is a phenomenon in poorly written literotica novels more than a facet of reality.

This is where the qualitative aspect kicks in, some girls like musicians, some girls hate musicians, some girls love men in uniforms, some don’t, and female preference is the difference between a “Hell Yes” girl and a lukewarm prospect. Women do not see men who are lower than them in SMV, a man who is lower than a woman’s self-perceived SMV may as well be invisible. However, women do see men who are at the right SMV level, yet do not quite hit the spot. This is where “He was hot … but …” comes from.

Women have preferences in the same way men have preferences and being “hot enough” is not enough, if the man has a specific preference for a given type of woman. You can be a perfect value for a woman, but not be “her type” and this is the major challenge with developing “bullet-proof” frameworks to help men become successful in the sexual market place.

We can teach you the game, get you lifting, sort out your diet, get rid of those trash shoes and cargo shorts, however we cannot guarantee that the specific look that your particular one-itis is looking for will automatically land you in bed with her.

That’s why I think the Red Pill catch phrase has to be akin to “We cannot get you that girl, but we can get you those girls” because we cannot promise that you will get that one girl you really want, but if you do what we tell you, you will get plenty of other girls for whom you fit their model.

Summary and Conclusions

To summarize in this rather short rant, there are general, quantitative things you can do in order improve your position in the sexual market place. This would be the business equivalent of improving general product quality, service deliverables and so on. Then there are qualitative things that you CAN do in order to improve your results in the sexual market place, which relate to differentiation.

I wear a suit for work every day, some girls love a guy in a suit, some girls view it as the embodiment of male privilege, dominance and surrendering individuality for financial success. You cannot please both 100% of the time, however you can make a cold-read on a girl and estimate which group she falls into. However, if you fake your look for that one date, and she becomes a plate, that requires more work to maintain.

Thus, the point of this rant, is that even if you dial your sexual market value to 11, you cannot get every girl. Women have preferences, just as men do and this is what I think a lot of men are confused about.

“If I can make myself a 10, I’ll have every girl I want!”

No man, if you make yourself a 7 with the right look, you can get certain types of girls, if you maximize your SMV to 10, without a look you become the best toilet paper that doesn’t make a girl’s ass sore.

Red Pill Logic: The 3 Part Stack

**A Note**

First off, I know I haven’t been around much, I have a lot of things going on in my life at the moment, and I’m finding it very challenging to juggle everything. I hope to get back to writing more frequently in the coming months once things start to settle down.

**Note end**

With computers, we can break down the functioning into 3 parts, there is the hardware and firmware, these are the actual physical components of the machine bundled with the basic software that is loaded on them to make them work. Firmware generally consists of permanent software loaded onto read-only memory, and most frequently it’s not changed for the lifetime of the system.

Then there is the operating system, the operating system is a software program loaded onto the machine that makes it easier to work with than typing instructions in machine code into a command line interface. It also manages the computer hardware and the resources available to the machine between various programs.The operating system can be altered, upgraded, changed or even swapped out for another operating system, but doing so can have big consequences in terms of both performance and usability. It also tends to take a bit of time.

Finally, we have the apps, these are smaller programs that we install and run on the operating system in order to accomplish tasks of varying specificity. They can range from simple command line interfaces to entire suites of statistics and analysis software, games, word processors or the likes. These are fairly easy to install or remove, but they have varying learning curves and influences the firmware and operating system in various ways.

Between the 3 areas, there is somewhat of a bidirectional influence, in that the lower layers (firmware and hardware) influence what you can do with  the OS and apps. The firmware limits what you can do with the OS to some degree. They all influence each other, but not to the same degree. Continue reading

Of Fitness and Models

When we get into statistics, a major issue that we deal with is how well a model fits the data. We refer to this as “Goodness of fit” and what it represents is usually a summary of the differences between observed values and expected values. The reason for doing such tests is to gauge how well our model works to explain the observations.

This could be as simple as the relationship between the independent variable (the one which we control or change) and the dependent variable (the one on which the effect of changes in the independent variable is seen), to complex multivariate analyses which attempt to gauge the effect of multiple variables on a single variable.

Models are means to an end, they are the extension of a theory, and work to test how well that theory fits reality. They represent our hypothesis of cause and effect, based on the theory we have formulated about how something works. To give an example, if we wanted to know if there is a relationship between number of repetitions affect hypertrophy, we would formulate 2 hypotheses:

Null-hypothesis – There is no relationship between number of repetitions and muscle hypertrophy

Hypothesis 1 – There is a relationship between number of repetitions and muscle hypertrophy

We would then conduct an experiment where we take a sample, have them perform a given number of repetitions across a period of time at a frequency held constant, and then measure the change between the start of the experiment and the end of the experiment. From this we get an answer of whether the independent variable (number of repetitions) affects the dependent variable (hypertrophy). The results of this experiment could then be validated, replicated and serve as a foundation for future research into hypertrophy.

This research, and future research can then serve to guide us when we are aiming to gain more muscle so that we find the most efficient route between point A and point B. We began with a question “How does number of repetitions affect muscle hypertrophy“, we did our research, formulated a theory and then tested that theory in an experiment, the results of which are utilized to amend our model of reality, which can then be tested again.

This is how most research works, a researcher starts by wanting to answer a question, does research into the question, based on the question a theory is formulated, this theory is tested through observation or experiment, and the results of said experiments are then integrated into the theory.

Our goal when conducting research is to generate mind-independent information, meaning that human minds constantly generate cause and effect hypotheses, then test them against reality. However, we are also prone to many errors of reasoning that lead us to believing in false relationships, a prime example being the superstitions of various athletes or sports-teams.

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The Male Epiphany Phase

One of my blessings, or curses depending on perspective is that I’m pretty good with recognizing patterns. This is one of the reasons why I get so much enjoyment out of watching the change that takes place in a woman’s social media profile from the age of 20 up until she turns 35. While this pattern was fairly obvious even before social media, never before have we been able to watch the sexual market graph develop on a daily basis, complete with illustrations. I find it very interesting how a woman’s social media profile up until about 28 is largely composed of drinking, travel, parties and thirstbait, then suddenly one day it starts with a meme about where all the good men are. Slowly over the next few years, body shots are replaced with glasses of red wine and 3 course meals, the cleavage becomes church appropriate, cats start to frequent more often, and the travel pictures are replaced with “professional” photos. This is hardly a surprise to red pill men as the transition between the party years and the wall has been documented quite well especially on The Rational Male in the by now infamous “SMV Graph”, however for the Beta in Waiting it’s his ship finally coming in.

The reason it’s called the epiphany phase, is because this is the time in a woman’s life when she realizes that her sexual market value is not on an eternal growth path into the high heavens, but instead has been in steady decline for a few years, perhaps even 5 or 6 years. She suddenly comes to the jarring realization that she is struggling to compete with “younger, hotter, tighter”, and the men she could have easily had only a few years ago are not showing the same level of interest. Thus, she changes her market strategy to appeal to “The Good Men“, those men of whom she said “You will make a great husband”, “Why are you single” and “You are such a great friend“. Those men, who while she was busy doing body shots, partying and enjoying her sexual self-discovery, got a degree, a professional job and built a capacity to provide. This is how the transition starts.

Her desire for men who are exiting, confident, aloof, impulsive, aggressive, dominant, direct and disagreeable, remain her preference for short trysts however for the first time in her life the men who are stable, relaxed, a bit more neurotic, attentive, predictable, laid back, cooperative, indirect and agreeable become visible to her. Men who can provide for her long term well-being through stable incomes, personalities and preferences.  Those men, whom to her younger self would have scarcely made a blip on her radar suddenly send up warning lights and sirens, she finds herself drawn to them.

We call this “The Epiphany Phase” in women ,and while I largely reject the idea that “For every female inter/intrasexual dynamic there has to be a male direct equivalent“, I notice a similar pattern in many men, perhaps even one that is exacerbated in red pill men and pick-up artists, where by the time they hit their 30s and 40s, they develop a disdain for their previous lifestyle, often adopt religion and seek to transition from playboy to patriarch. They become disillusioned by what they regard as a vapid, hedonistic, self-gratifying lifestyle and start to seek something more. Funnily enough this seems to lead to them, growing huge-ass beards, developing a fascination with metaphysics, spirituality and using the word “virtue” a lot. This is often followed by the idealization of bygone ages, of when men were men, women were women and children were seen not heard.

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Red Pill Logic: Anger

So, lets talk about anger, it’s a human emotion, exists in varying degrees from simple annoyance to all-out wrath, it leads to both psychological and physiological changes, can control you or drive you forward. A common accusation levied at the red pill is that it makes men angry, it makes men angry at women, something which struck me as strange for the longest time. How can seeing reality for the first time, lead a man to become angry? This anger stage is perhaps natural as the red pill does have the effect of demonstrating to us that we have been fooled for years, even decades of our lives. It’s the equivalent of being sold that working a dead-end 9 – 5 job will lead to you becoming a multi-millionaire only to find out as you are about to retire that it was all a lie.

This forces you to accept that you have invested resources and time for many years of your life in a flawed methodology, and accepting that you were fooled can be a difficult thing. In order to move beyond anger one must accept that those decisions were taken with the best information you had available at the time and that the results thereof are not indicative of a personal failure on your part but on bad information.

In an earlier essay I wrote:

The second stage of being exposed to red pill philosophy is frequently anger. Some manifest anger at womanhood in general for the duplicitous sexual strategy of “Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks”, others at fathers for not “raising them right”, or the world for not informing them.  When a man is presented with evidence that most of the resources he spent towards getting laid, and much of the associated frustration when she just wanted to be friends after 11 dates with no sex, are easily explained. He triggered her provider instinct and thus she put off sex while deciding if she was ready to settle down. Anger is a natural reaction, both at himself, at women and at the society that told him that he was doing the right thing for his goal, but that misled him.

It was a case of the principal and the agent, where he was raised not to be someone’s one night stand, but the man his mother wanted his father to be. His social programming has been one that sets him up to realize the worst possible deal for himself, but the best one possible for the woman and the social group. In this manner, he may find himself experiencing feelings of being deceived, not only by the society without a face, but also by those in which he has the most trust.

Perhaps the most sinister is the realization that much like the unknowing population of the Matrix, that were slowly being drained of bio-energy to power other creatures, the man within the blue pill framework is slowly being drained of his energy to enable and power the society to which he belongs.

In short, the man feels duped because he constructed his imaginary system of how the world works based on, in the best case scenario flawed information and in the worst case scenario, deliberately misleading information. He spent a life as a good boy, believing in that if he became the avatar of those qualities that society venerates on the surface, he would be rewarded for his efforts. Continue reading

Of Syllogisms and Suppositions

Back when I got my first corporate job I was very much an idealist when it came to the corporate environment. I had faith in that if I simply worked hard, did a solid job and demonstrated my value to the company I worked for back then, I would have a great career ahead of me. A couple of years of not taking vacations, putting in 80 hours a week every week, answering calls and emails around the clock later, I was still in the exact same position that I was in when I started. I’d gotten a few pay raises but that was about it. As I spent my birthday reflecting on that year’s accounts, I started thinking of expectancy and equity theory. The basics of these two theories is that people form cause and effect chains, “if I do X, then Y” (expectancy) and they expect people to maintain equitable relationships, meaning “if I produce value above my current salary to the company, the company will reward me for it“, however this can often not be the case, because there is no clear cause-effect chain between doing a great job and climbing the corporate ladder.

In my case, I expected the company to recognize my efforts and reward me with what I desired. This is not much different from how many men will be perfect husbands on paper, they provide, they are great fathers, treat their wife as the center of their world, they contribute to the community and if asked nobody would have a problem saying “Oh, he’s a great guy”. They expect that if they do all the things right, for instance they fill their wife’s 487 bullet-point list, they are great dads, they communicate, they do chores and so on, their wife will return the equity to them in the form of sex and devotion, yet many of them find themselves in dead bedrooms or getting zeroed out.

It’s no different from how many Good Boys will work hard their entire lives, sacrifice their teens and twenties to become great husbands to a woman who has partied her way through life. Then they expect this woman to recognize their efforts and reward them with what they desire. It’s a covert contract on a grand scale.

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